Roger Moore credited as playing...
Ffolkes
- Admiral Brindsen: I suppose you're one of those fellows who does the Times crossword puzzle in ten minutes.
- ffolkes: I have *never* taken ten minutes.
- Lord Privy Seal Dennis Tipping: You really don't like women, do you?
- ffolkes: I do not. You see, I, together with my five elder sisters, was raised by a maiden aunt. Both my parents died tragically in childbirth. Until the age of ten, I was forced to wear my sister's hand-me-downs. Then when I married, I discovered to my horror that my wife also had five sisters, all unmarried, and all expecting my support. I find cats a far superior breed. Just on the off chance, I have made a will. I've left everything to my cats. I want it testified that I am sound of body and mind.
- Lord Privy Seal Dennis Tipping: [stares concernedly at ffolkes]
- ffolkes: Well go on!
- ffolkes: Timing underwater. Speed Underwater. That is what half our assignments are about. Harris! Are you listening to me?
- Harris: Yes sir.
- ffolkes: Then bloody well well look at me! Yesterday, ONE man completed the exercise precisely on time. ME!
- [Produces a hand grenade from his bag]
- ffolkes: Today, you will ALL complete the exercise precisely on time...
- ffolkes: This is a copy of my Will, I need your signature to prove I'm of sound mind, I'm leaving everything to my cats. Well go on, sign it, man!
- Lou Kramer: I don't like you, Flag,
- ffolkes: How fortunate.
- Lou Kramer: My instinct tells me you're bad news. Did you search him, Webb?
- Art Webb: I could tell you the size of his underwear.
- ffolkes: Jennifer? ffolkes here. You can tell the Lord Privy Seal the operation had been completed. As planned, naturally.
- Fletcher: Work out what can be done if one of them is hijacked.
- ffolkes: Don't the armed forces have some ideas in that department?
- Fletcher: Undoubtedly. But an oil production platform isn't a building or an aeroplane. It's miles out to sea and you can't approach it without being seen or heard unless you come from below.
- ffolkes: Only a man of superior intellect is likely to think of a satisfactory way of hijacking a platform or a rig.
- Fletcher: Exactly.
- ffolkes: Therefore, I must put myself in his position and devide a means of doing so. And having done that, I simply work out how to overpower myself!
- Captain Phillips: I was telling the Admiral your men are so well drilled they'll be able to find their way around Esther with their eyes shut.
- ffolkes: If any one of my men moves round anything with his eyes shut I shall personally gouge them out! It's time for a drink.
- Admiral Brindsen: Bit early isn't it?
- ffolkes: It's four hours since breakfast. That's late!
- ffolkes: [ffolkes only has a ten pound to note to pay his cab fare] I'll toss you for it.
- [Tosses coin]
- ffolkes: Heads or tails?
- Cab Driver: [Wearily, expecting to be conned] Heads.
- ffolkes: Heads it is. Must be your lucky day.
- [Hands ten pounds to driver]