Cliff De Young credited as playing...
Brad Majors • Farley Flavors
- Brad Majors: You're a dead-end, dead-beat, nowhere mister with a kisser like a Mississippi alligator's sister!
- Cosmo, Nation, Nurse Ansalong, 'Rest Home' Ricky: [singing] You're not just lookin' at a fast-food king/Just another well-known face/You're not lookin' at the king of anything/
- Farley Flavors: I'm gonna shoot for the moon/I'm gonna play high noon/I'm gonna take on the entire human race/
- Cosmo, Nation, Nurse Ansalong, 'Rest Home' Ricky: You're not looking at a king/
- Farley Flavors: You're looking at an ace...
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors: [in song] Some people do it for each other.
- Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: Some people do it for their lover.
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors: Some people do it for improvement.
- Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: Some people do it for the movement.
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors: Some people do it for enjoyment.
- Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: Some people do it for employment.
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors, Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: But, we're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it no matter how the wind is blowing. We're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it. We just gotta keep going.
- Farley Flavors: [in song] You've lost your heart!
- Brad Majors: You lost your cause.
- Farley Flavors: You lost your baby when you lost your balls/You lost your mind when you lost your grip, so say bye-bye!
- Brad Majors: We lost our home/Our family/You lost compassion, now you're losin' me...
- Farley Flavors: Well, the best thing you could ever do is die!
- Brad Majors: [singing] Dear blender/Now, won't you help a first offender?/Oh, toaster/Don't you put the burn on me/Refrigerator/Why are we always sooner or later/Bitchin' in the kitchen or cryin' in the bedroom all night?
- Brad Majors: To Farley: I'm as sane as you are! Saner!
- Cosmo: To Audience: And he was only with us for one day!
- Audience: [Brad has just burst through a set piece onto the stage] Aah! It's the crazy man!
- Brad Majors: [to Farley] Seducer!
- Farley Flavors: [nervous] And... who are you, sir?
- Brad Majors: Your twin brother and your accuser!
- Janet Majors: Brad!
- Cosmo: Arrest that man! He's committed to our care!
- Janet Majors: I never signed your contract! He's not going anywhere.
- Judge Oliver Wright: To revenge your twin, you tried to abuse her.
- Farley Flavors: A ridiculous accusation! You... force me to refuse her.
- Brad Majors: Then why did you choose her?
- Farley Flavors: Because of you, *sir*!
- Brad Majors: Seducer!
- Farley Flavors: And... who are you, sir?
- Brad Majors: Your twin brother and your accuser!
- Brad Majors: What are we gonna do, Janet?
- Brad Majors: It's all right, Brad. Everything's gonna be all right.
- Farley Flavors: Now, you see the way we got rid of that dirty little dish is the same way we're going to put the rest of our house in order! Including... the upstairs!