Jessica Harper credited as playing...
Janet Majors
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors: [in song] Some people do it for each other.
- Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: Some people do it for their lover.
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors: Some people do it for improvement.
- Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: Some people do it for the movement.
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors: Some people do it for enjoyment.
- Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: Some people do it for employment.
- Brad Majors, Janet Majors, Judge Oliver Wright, Betty Hapschatt: But, we're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it no matter how the wind is blowing. We're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it anyhow, anyhow. We're gonna do it. We just gotta keep going.
- Emily Weiss: [about Brad Majors] Thank God he was born an orphan. It would have killed his parents. And thank goodness he didn't end up like that Slibstrini boy.
- Harry Weiss: What are you talking about? Danny Slibstrini's a chip of the old block. Why, I played 18 holes of golf with his father just last week and Hank says that Danny's moved to New York to better himself.
- Emily Weiss: He moved all right. And they found him in the back of Wilson's bakery, naked, with fifteen other men.
- Janet Majors: [with a look of confirmation] Mexicans.
- Harry Weiss: [Looks disguted] I'm gonna catch up on a few jobs that need doing outside.
- [Harry storms out, slamming the door]
- Announcer: [voice-over] We return to Dentonvale after this important message.
- Emily Weiss: You shouldn't have said that.
- Janet Majors: But why?
- Emily Weiss: Your father doesn't like Mexicans.
- Janet Majors: [in song] Well...! First you go rip, rip, rip/Then you go snip, snip, snip/Then you whip in a zip, zip, zip/And split it up to the hip, hip, hip/And as you strip, strip, strip/You quiver and shiver for that soft caress/As you slip, slip, slip/Into that little black dress.
- Janet Majors: [singing] If that's not enough, then I'm/So sorry I met you, it was almost like leading you on/But there's more to it all/Than just wringing your heart out over something/That keeps on going wrong/So don't tell me you love me/How am I supposed to know what that means?/No, don't sell emotion/You can't buy devotion if you're falling apart at the seams...
- Bert Schnick: Hey, folks, it's Ricky from the Rest Home!
- 'Rest Home' Ricky: Hey, Bert!
- Bert Schnick: Hey, Ricky.
- 'Rest Home' Ricky: I've come for Mr. Majors.
- Bert Schnick: Brad will learn how to care in the surgical chair!
- 'Rest Home' Ricky: [to Janet] Nothing serious, I hope?
- Janet Majors: Oh, no, just a routine checkup.
- Bert Schnick: Just a "routine checkup," eh, viewers?
- [chuckles]
- Janet Majors: Who are you?
- Oscar Drill: The band.
- Janet Majors: Do you have any friends?
- Oscar Drill: Sure.
- Janet Majors: You won't have soon.
- [they give her confused looks]
- Janet Majors: What are you called, your... band?
- Glish Davidson: Oscar Drill and the Bits!
- Janet Majors: [groaning, rolling her eyes] Ohhh...
- Audience: [Brad has just burst through a set piece onto the stage] Aah! It's the crazy man!
- Brad Majors: [to Farley] Seducer!
- Farley Flavors: [nervous] And... who are you, sir?
- Brad Majors: Your twin brother and your accuser!
- Janet Majors: Brad!
- Cosmo: Arrest that man! He's committed to our care!
- Janet Majors: I never signed your contract! He's not going anywhere.
- Judge Oliver Wright: To revenge your twin, you tried to abuse her.
- Farley Flavors: A ridiculous accusation! You... force me to refuse her.
- Brad Majors: Then why did you choose her?
- Farley Flavors: Because of you, *sir*!
- Janet Majors: Why did you tell not to sign now?
- Nurse Ansalong: That way, you get the first day free.