Barry Humphries credited as playing...
Bert Schnick
- [Audience cheers as Bert dances in]
- Bert Schnick: Hoopla Denton!
- Audience: Hoopla Bert!
- [Audience cheers more]
- Bert Schnick: Hey, folks, it's Ricky from the Rest Home!
- 'Rest Home' Ricky: Hey, Bert!
- Bert Schnick: Hey, Ricky.
- 'Rest Home' Ricky: I've come for Mr. Majors.
- Bert Schnick: Brad will learn how to care in the surgical chair!
- 'Rest Home' Ricky: [to Janet] Nothing serious, I hope?
- Janet Majors: Oh, no, just a routine checkup.
- Bert Schnick: Just a "routine checkup," eh, viewers?
- [chuckles]
- Bert Schnick: [to himself] They should be sent to the Danube at dawn.
- Ralph Hapschatt: What?
- Bert Schnick: Just... memories.
- Bert Schnick: [in song] Ever since I was the eine kleine herren/It was the Cordon Bleu for which I am most carin'/And the one taste treat so sweet, it really can't be beat/Is what we have, ja, how you are, caviar, that little black mess!