John Ritter credited as playing...
Charles Rutledge
- Christy Miller: Do you want to step onto the terrace, Charles?
- Charles Rutledge: That's not a terrace, Christy. That's a ledge!
- Charles Rutledge: Would you like some new shoes?
- Christy Miller: New shoes?
- Charles Rutledge: Yes, those look pretty old.
- Christy Miller: Thanks a bunch Charles! These happen to be an original 30's design. From the 30's!
- Charles Rutledge: I know, wouldn't you like some new ones?
- Charles Rutledge: Would you like to sit down?
- Christy Miller: What do you have in mind Charles? A kerb?
- Charles Rutledge: I really like you Christy.
- Christy Miller: Yeah, I know. Why don't we keep it that way, huh?
- Charles Rutledge: You think?
- Christy Miller: Yeah, I guess so. Why don't you kiss me anyway, it's such a nice afternoon.
- Christy Miller: Well, Charles you are looking sexy today.
- Charles Rutledge: Really? Well I guess I'm running late.
- Christy Miller: Do you always look sexy when you're running late? I guess I'll have to keep you tardy.
- Christy Miller: What do you think of these Charles?
- Charles Rutledge: Christy, where did you get those? Those are very unattractive shoes.
- Christy Miller: Well I hate them, Honey. I thought you liked them.
- Charles Rutledge: No, I was referring to these boots. Here try those on.
- Christy Miller: Anything you say Charles. I've got to get out of this dress. It does absolutely nothing for me.
- Arthur Brodsky: Chas. Remember?
- Charles Rutledge: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Arthur Brodsky: Chas. Remember?
- Charles Rutledge: I know, I know, I know.
- Arthur Brodsky: Look at it this way, Chas, she's in pre-bop with her boyfriend. She's in post-bop with her husband. If she goes into post-bop with her boyfriend, she'll be - ah - she'll be in ex-bop with her husband. And if she's in ex-bop with her husband: the case is over, we get paid, and, well, then it's every man for himself.
- Charles Rutledge: Yeah, it's the post-bop with her boyfriend that worries me.
- Arthur Brodsky: Yeah, well, it's the post-bop with the boyfriend that worries everybody.
- Charles Rutledge: Let me kiss her on the mouth.
- Arthur Brodsky: Oh, the husband's gonna like that one!
- Christy Miller: Charles, you certainly are the most impulsive man I've ever met!
- Charles Rutledge: Repulsive, did you say?
- Christy Miller: Im! Impulsive, Charles! I don't think you're repulsive at all!
- Leon Leondopolous: Where in the hell are the reports on the Martin case?
- Charles Rutledge: Yes, well, it's been a little - hectic lately, Leon.
- Arthur Brodsky: We got 'em, Leon, they just ain't typed yet.
- Leon Leondopolous: Then we *don't* got 'em, Arthur. The typing isn't some middle-class bureaucratic curlicue.
- Christy Miller: That's alright, Charles. We don't have to *do* anything.
- Charles Rutledge: Why don't we just talk?
- Christy Miller: Of course! Why don't I give you a massage, Charles?
- Christy Miller: Do you feel my finger?
- Charles Rutledge: This is a little crazy, isn't it?
- Christy Miller: Yes. Feel my finger?
- Charles Rutledge: *Yes*. God.
- Christy Miller: What is it, Charles?
- Charles Rutledge: Feel my finger?
- Christy Miller: Oh, Charles...
- Christy Miller: Why don't I give you a Touch Assist?
- Charles Rutledge: A what?
- Christy Miller: A Touch Assist.
- Charles Rutledge: A Touch Assist?
- Christy Miller: It'll relieve all your pressure, Charles. You'll feel like a cloud in pants.
- Charles Rutledge: A cloud in pants?
- Christy Miller: Come on!
- Charles Rutledge: What?
- Christy Miller: Well, you do have to lie down, Charles. Come on!
- Charles Rutledge: Have you seen Arthur?
- Rita: If I see him, I'm gonna cut his thing off.
- Charles Rutledge: Okay, I'll tell him.
- Christy Miller: Why, Charles, what do you mean?
- Charles Rutledge: What do you mean, what do I mean? What do you mean?