Robert MacNaughton: Michael

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Michael

Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliott: It was *no* iguana.
Michael: Maybe, um - You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?
Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.
Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it. It happened...
Elliott: I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.
Gertie: A deformed kid.
Michael: [mockingly] Maybe an elf or a leprechaun.
Elliott: It was nothing like that, penis-breath!
Mary: [laughs in shock] *Elliott*! Sit down.

Michael: Maybe he's some animal that wasn't supposed to live; kind of like those rabbits we saw. He could be a monkey or an orangutan.
Elliott: A bald monkey?
Gertie: Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.

Michael: Did you explain school to him?
Elliott: How do you explain school to higher intelligence?
Michael: Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's like a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons or something.
Elliott: [knowingly] He is too smart.
Michael: Okay, I just hope we don't wake up on Mars or something surrounded by millions of little squashy guys.

Mary: [on Halloween night] Listen, buster, you won't get four blocks in this neighborhood dressed like that.
Michael: Please?
Mary: No, and that is final. You are not going as a terrorist.

Gertie: What are you going as for Halloween?
Elliott: [Elliot is upset because nobody believes him] I'm not going to stupid Halloween.
Michael: [to Elliot] Why don't you go as a goblin?
Elliott: [flatly] Shut up.

Elliott: Think, Michael. What would make a radar?
Michael: How the hell do I know? You're the genius in the family; you have absolute power, remember?

Michael: [walks in Elliot's room and sees E.T. in a dress; he chuckles] What's all this shit?
Elliott: E.T. phone home.
Michael: [astonished] My God, he's talking now.
Elliott: Home.
Elliot: E.T. phone home?
Elliott: [points to window] E.T. phone home.
Elliot: [whispers] And they'll come?
Elliott: Come? Home.
[pulls off wig and hat from his head]
Elliott: Home.

Mary: It's your turn to do the dishes, fellas.
Michael: I set and cleared.
Elliott: [in a stern tone] I set and cleared.
Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast.
Gertie: [solemnly] I did breakfast.
Michael: [noticing how upset Mary is] What's the matter, mom?
Mary: [leaves in tears, to herself, about her husband] He HATES Mexico!
Michael: [to Elliot, furiously] Damn it, why don't you - grow up and think how other people feel for a change!
[Elliot gets angry and does the dishes]

Elliott: [upon encountering E.T., running excitedly into the house] Mom, Mom! There's something out there!
Mary: What?
Elliott: It's in the toolshed. It threw the ball at me.
[Michael and his friends mock him loudly]
Elliott: QUIET!
[Michael's friends go silent]
Elliott: [in hushed tone] Nobody go out there!
Michael: [the boys all spring up excitedly] Ha! Ha! Ha!
[they grab knives]
Mary: Stop, now! You guys stay right here!
Michael: You stay here, Mom, we'll check it out!
Mary: And put those knives back!
[Elliot grabs her hand and pulls her outside as well]
Mary: Okay, Elliot! Let me get a flashlight.