Mark Blankfield: Jekyll and Hyde

Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again

Jekyll and Hyde

Mr. Hyde: [as Hyde] I'm a drug crazed beast with a giant erection that won't go away no matter how many times I do it. You're a nurse; what can you give me for it?
Nurse with Telegram: I can give you sixty dollars and my wedding ring.
Mr. Hyde: Bus fare! I need big money for drugs!

[Tries to flush the powder down the toilet but grabs it at the last second]
Dr. Jekyll: How stupid of me! What if this had been flushed out to sea? How callous of me, not to think of the fishes and the dolphins and the whales and the pelicans... they could be damaged by this terrible, terrible... ohhhhh...
[starts cutting lines from the powder]

Dr. Jekyll: I'll just weigh it first, to see how much I'm actually throwing out. That's important! Important, scientific data. Official weight...
[dumps the powder on the scale]
Dr. Jekyll: A LOT! Oh, I'm acting like a two year old baby! Why throw it away? I worked hard to come up with this stuff. I should save it. For future experiments. Yeah, future experiments! That's it! I'll save it! Not all of it, just a little tiny bit. Maybe, oh... ALL OF IT! Not that I would ever take any of it again myself. NOPE, I'LL GET RID OF IT! Who needs it? Not me! I've got self control! Yeah. I wonder... whose picture's on a one dollar bill?
[pulls out a dollar bill and starts rolling it up]
Dr. Jekyll: Oh sure! George Washington! Oh, that's right. Hi, George! Bye, George!
[sticks the rolled-up dollar in his nose]
Dr. Jekyll: This is madness. I have a wonderful woman who loves me, a rewarding career, the respect of my peers... so what the hell? One line won't hurt!
[snorts the powder]
Dr. Jekyll: OOHHHHH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!

Mr. Hyde: Stay in your seats! The show's just begun! Attention please Or you'll miss all the fun
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: He's mean and he's dirty...
Mr. Hyde: They say I'm a threat!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: But he's got an ass That you'll never forget... Hyde's got nothing to hide!
Mr. Hyde: I don't know how to tell ya!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: Hyde's got nothing to hide!
Mr. Hyde: I really want to tell you! Ladies and gents, you're so beautifully dressed I can tell that you're used to the best!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: Excuse his appearance...
Mr. Hyde: And the fact that I sweat!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: If you think he's bad You ain't see nothing yet! Hyde's got nothing to hide!
Mr. Hyde: I've got to show you baby!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: Hyde's got nothing to hide... Hyde's got nothing to hide
Mr. Hyde: I'm gonna show it to you! Don't go away I've only begun Don't hide your eyes Or you'll miss all the fun...
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: Some follow their hearts...
Mr. Hyde: I follow my nose!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: Some put on airs...
Mr. Hyde: I take off my clothes!
Hydettes, Hydettes, Hydettes: Hyde's got nothing to hide!
Mr. Hyde: I got to, got to, got to...

Woman in Jaguar: [after Hyde jumps into her car; pushes her to the passenger seat, and prepares to drive away] Rape! RAPE!
Mr. Hyde: Later, if I have time.

Customs Man at Heathrow: Anything to declare, sir?
Mr. Hyde: Man has not evolved an inch from the primordial slime that spawned him.
Customs Man at Heathrow: Very good, sir.