Julie Hagerty: Dulcy

A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy

Dulcy

Dulcy: I couldn't sleep. So, I came downstairs to read The Katzenjammer Kids.
Leopold: Katzenjammer Kids? That's extraordinary. That's what happened in the dream.
Dulcy: What dream?
Leopold: Just now. Before I awoke. I was dreaming this.
Dulcy: Me?
Leopold: Precisely this! This is incredible. We were alone and you were lying across a sofa and you were reading and I asked you what and you said, "Katzenjammer Kids." And I thought it was funny. And then, your robe fell open, slightly. Only slightly. The way it is now. And I was taken with a great erotic fervor. And all the terrible thoughts of my whole life, that I'd been afraid to unleash, poured forth.
Dulcy: How did I react?
Leopold: Then you pressed your lips to mine and then the scene changed. And we were two savages in the wilderness. It was a prehistoric era. And I was a neanderthal, hunting my enemies with primitive weapons, and loving you uninhibitedly!
Dulcy: Jesus, what did you eat before you went to bed?

Leopold: When prehistoric man roamed these very woods, naked and savage.
Dulcy: You mean the good old days?
Leopold: Yes! You think you'd like to see some long-haired neanderthal, his primitive weapon in hand, stalking through the brush like an animal, never dreaming that someday he will be extinct and *culture* will be the order of the day.
Dulcy: Well, I'd like to try it for one night.

Leopold: Blood! Blood! I've drawn blood! And I relished it!
Dulcy: Leopold, what's gotten into you?
Leopold: I've returned from the hunt.
Dulcy: Leopold, what's an intellectual genius like you want with a simple young nurse like me?

Maxwell: Come with me, we'll have a fabulous weekend. We'll sun and swim and drink beer. Naturally, I'll make sure we have separate rooms.
Dulcy: We don't need separate rooms.

Dulcy: [showing off her swimsuit] Do you like it?
Maxwell: No, No. Not a bit. You know, my blood pressure is always 90 over 680.
Dulcy: It drives them wild at Coney Island. But, if we're going to be in a country stream, why do I have to wear anything at all?

Dulcy: I've been to Paris twice; but, I was miserable both times. Probably because I was there with the wrong person.
Ariel: Oh, that's - that's important. Because, it's such a romantic place. If two people are really in love, a city like Paris becomes a great medium for which to explore their feelings. Don't you think, Leopold?
Leopold: I like large cities.
Ariel: Oh, and in the rain! Mmm.

Dulcy: It's like swimming. It's a measured stroke. And remember, here's the key: when the sperm count is low, they won't listen to reason. But, when the sperm count is high, they'll do anything you want.
Adrian: It sounds awfully clinical.
Dulcy: Well, we're just going over some basics. But, if you love the guy, it should all come together with a certain sense of danger and excitement. You shouldn't just limit yourself to the bedroom. It should be full of surprise and spontaneity. It shouldn't be routine.

Adrian: Where will you settle after you marry?
Leopold: I've taken a townhouse near the University. I can't wait for Ariel to meet the professors and their wives. Already I'm the envy of entire faculty. You'll adore Professor Eddy and his wife. They're a very entertaining couple with a kind of a theme to their marriage. You see, he specializes in Dr. Johnson and she teaches Boswell. So, they're an entertaining, amusing couple and I look forward to many wonderful chats.
Adrian: Well, to wonderful chats and Boswell and Johnson and Leopold and Ariel and this summer night and you two, of course...
Dulcy: And Maxwell.
Adrian: And to Dr. Maxwell Jordan.
Andrew: Doctor of high jinks!
Leopold: Of course, to Adrian and Andrew.