Rats: Night of Terror

Ah, these were the days for sure. Rats is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi horror by the one and only Bruno Mattei. If you've seen anything else by this guy you will no doubt know exactly what to expect. You'll be aware that you are going to see a shoddy but enjoyable trash-fest with many laugh-out-loud moments of unintentional humour. This film is full of typical Matteisms. It's ram-packed with extreme over-acting, over-the-top maniacal laughter, stupid chat and atrocious dubbing. It's got lots of gore, comically unthreatening monsters and moments of alarming non-political correctness. It's unashamedly derivative and incurably cheesy. And yet despite - or perhaps because - of all this, its loads of fun.

Like many bad films there is a scrolling text introduction. This is an easy way for cheap-skate film-makers to give us the background story and context without having to go to the trouble of conveying this information cinematically. Anyway, it basically boils down to the fact that the Earth is scorched after a nuclear war and some people live underground, while others live on the surface. A band of the latter pitch up at an abandoned settlement and discover that the previous inhabitants had been killed by super-intelligent nasty rats. Guess what happens next.

In a lot of horror films the most interesting characters are the villains and monsters. Not in this film. The rats for the most part act in a completely indifferent manner. This of course makes for some very funny moments when our heroes act as if they are a terrifying threat. A couple of such scenes spring to mind. Firstly when the gang mount a set of stairs covered in rats, the implication is that this is a super-scary moment, while the reality for all to see is that not only do the rodents pose no hazard whatsoever, they also are actually actively hiding away. Secondly, the scene where the leader of the gang wards off the hordes of rats with a flaming torch is properly silly as not only are the creatures a good twenty metres away in a small utterly unthreatening group but they also approach the flaming stick with zero concern when it is finally thrown on the deck. Prior to this silly scene, we are treated to what can only be described as the rat conveyor belt. This somewhat incredible cinematic device is a 'special effect' created for the film that is evidently supposed to suggest hordes of scary rodents moving forward menacingly. It doesn't. It looks like a conveyor belt with 2D rat-shaped cut outs stuck on it. It's quite something else. It does have to also be said that seeing as this is an Italian production there are a number of scenes where the rats are quite obviously getting battered or burned. They are thrown at actors, kicked by actors, have heavy objects thrown at them and set on fire by flamethrowers. With this in mind I'm very surprised this one got a BBFC certificate to tell you the truth.

In all honesty the gang are a lot more memorable that the rodents. One of them is called Video. He is supposed to be a computer genius, yet he says things like 'stupid machine needs a kick in the balls'. Another character called Deus is supposed to be the brains of the bunch as he has a shaved head with a little triangle drawn on it. At one point he goes into a long spiel about how rats lived in the days before the War. He qualifies his rambling rubbish with the line 'I read it in a book'. He says it so ludicrously portentously that it is laugh-out-loud funny. The only black character is a woman called, wait for it, Chocolate. At one point she covers herself in flour and says something along the lines of 'I'm white like the rest of you, ha ha ha'. Right on baby. The final character I shall draw your attention to is a guy called Duke. He is the villain of the group and is relatively unremarkable. Until is death that is, when he stands in an armoured vehicle with a grenade and then notices that there are some rats in the car with him, so he does what any sane person would do – he throws the grenade at them and blows himself up.

If you haven't already worked out then I have to say that this film was a bit of a comedy classic. It mixes cheap sci-fi with gory horror and levels it all off with a dollop of unintentional stupidity. It's a riot. And wait until you see the ending. If you thought things could not get any more ridiculous, you are in for a treat.

This like many Italian post nuclear films of the 1980's is much the same. The characters were bland, but a lot more sympathetic than those in the Final Executioner. They were supposed to be a warrior group, but acted more like wusses - my four pet kitties would take on the rats with more bravery. One, of the character's performance was so hammy, I thought "Are you totally serious?"

Diana "I Want To Die!, as if she was giving an overly theatrical performance, rather than acting with a bit of commonsense. Lady, seriously, come on! The male characters really weren't much braver in terms of their fighting ability. Having said that, I liked Kurt, Taurus and Chocolate

I can't believe I haven't commented on this movie before! This was one of the first bad horror movies that I watched that got me hooked on B-movies. This is like a legend to me, alongside Blood Feast and Laserblast, that has helped pave the way for finding the most obscure of B-movies know to man. But enough about the legend of "Rats: Night of Terror," let's talk about the movie.

After I was done laughing and rewinding so many parts of this video, I began taking down the best quotes from the movie, and believe me, there were a lot.

"Stupid machine needs a kick in the balls!" -Video

(with flour all over her head, dancing around) "I'm white! I'm white!!" -Chocolate

(sounding really important) "I read it in a book" -Deus

"Stupid thing doesn't work any more! Sh*t! SH*T!" -Kurk

(while holding a spike, not a gun) "You make one move, and I'll blow your guts out!" -Chocolate

All these quotes and so much more make this movie all the more enjoyable to watch. Seeing rats constantly fall out from the ceiling, watching people being bitten when a rat is simply falling on their head then rolling off onto the floor. The only feeling I felt for this movie, was one girl who WOULDN'T STOP SCREAMING! No matter what it was she saw, she screamed her head off, and it drove me crazy! I was rooting for her to die first. And even though she didn't die first, she did die, and I cheered.

If you ever decide to watch this movie, don't drink while you do it, because you'll miss most of the good little stuff of the movie. Stuff like characters using spikes to try and hold rats at bay. This is a movie you need to soak all of it in. Enjoy.

**Final Judgement** Stupid movie needs a kick in the balls.

-Scott-

What starts out looking like a poor Mad Max type of film about a post-apocalyptic nightmare ends up a fairly well-done low-budget horror flick about a gang of futuristic nomads attacked by a whole lotta nasty rodents who are hungry for humans. The film unfolds as the rats slowly take control of the situation and trap the humans in ruins of a long-abandoned city, and prepare for the siege. The violence is pretty graphic as the rats seem to kill people from the inside out, and there are some nasty scenes of rats popping out of dead bodies. This one should satisfy horror fans with its violence, somewhat interesting storyline, and a bizarre and unusual ending. Recommended for fans; one of the better killer rat flicks.

This film has some great elements such as some awesome 80's synth music, ridiculous over the top 80's outfits and character names (Lucifer, Taurus, Video). It does also contain some cringeworthy elements such as animal abuse which is common in foreign movies from as recent as the 90's. One moment you have characters talking about the indecency of humanity, and saying how rats don't deserve the punishment they get, and the next has the actors kicking live rats like footballs and beaming them with beer mugs. The acting, lines, and delivery bridges well into the absurdly bad, with one "joke" sticking out to me in particular. The character Lucifer is stuck in his sleeping bag and having trouble with the zipper, Taurus unzips it, and makes a comment about calmness being the virtue of a leader... then suddenly everyone is bursting out laughing like its the funniest thing they ever heard. Even Taurus who delivered the line is doing full belly wide mouth open head back laughter. Maybe you have to be in a rat filled apocalypse to understand the joke...