Rick Moranis credited as playing...
Bob McKenzie
- Bob MacKenzie: [to Pam in a beer tank that's being flooded with beer] My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks!
- Doug McKenzie: I am your father, Luke. Give in to the dark side of the force, you knob.
- Bob McKenzie: He saw Jedi 17 times, eh.
- Bob McKenzie: [holding up a piece of cardboard with "2051 A.D. Ten years after World War 4"] Give enough time to see- okay.
- Doug McKenzie: Okay, then. "Ten years after World War 4", eh.
- Bob McKenzie: 2051- No, more! 2051, the future!
- Doug McKenzie: [fighting with Bob over the cardboard] What, no! They saw it already! Take off!
- Bob McKenzie: [Camera suddenly cuts to a shot of Bob standing on some rocks]
- [voice-over]
- Bob McKenzie: I was the only one left on the planet after the holocaust, eh.
- Doug McKenzie: [behind the camera] Hey, hoser! Go!
- [Bob starts moving]
- Bob McKenzie: [voice-over] The Earth had been like desur-stated by nucular war. Like Russia blew up the US and the US blew up Russia, eh.
- Bob McKenzie: [picks up a broken Statue of Liberty figurine; looking directly at the camera] Statue of Liberty.
- Doug McKenzie: [directing Bob] Psst, act! Act!
- Bob McKenzie: [voice-over] Lucky for me, I'd been off planet - on vacation at the time of the war, eh. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.
- Bob McKenzie: [to their dog] Eh... Hosehead, once you get there you can have all the free beer and sausages you want.
- Bob McKenzie: One day, I was out looking for a nice place to build a city for my children, when I spotted a mutant in the Forbidden Zone.
- [Camera cuts between Bob pretending to fly while glancing at the camera and a model of the van "flying" across the field]
- Bob McKenzie: I landed my vehicle to pursue and destroy this genetic freak before he could warn other mutants in the underground caves. I was kinda like a one-man force, eh, like Charlton Heston in "Omega Man." Did you see it? It's beauty.
- [Doug and Bob are hooked up to a polygraph lie detector]
- Ted: What have you done with the disk?
- Doug McKenzie: What are you looking at me for? I don't got it.
- [Ted looks at the polygraph which doesn't show anything off]
- Bob McKenzie: Maybe it's out of gas, eh?
- [Doug then passes gas in a loud flatulence noise]
- Bob McKenzie: Ugh! You farted
- Doug McKenzie: No, it wasn't me, it was the chair, eh!
- Bob McKenzie: He's lying! Check the machine, eh!
- Doug McKenzie: I'm not lying!
- Ted: [now the polograph begins showing activity] He's lying alright.
- Bob McKenzie: [fanning the fart away from him] I don't need no machine to tell me that, eh!
- Doug McKenzie: I didn't do it, I swear!
- Bob McKenzie: Jeez, don't slice the cheese in here, will ya?
- Doug McKenzie: Take off!
- [realizing that the brakes don't work on their speeding van]
- Doug McKenzie: [folding his arms] No point in steering now.
- Bob McKenzie: Take off, you steer this thing!
- [Bob and Doug are on the witness stand in the courtroom after being sworn on the Bible to tell the truth prior to testimony]
- Bob McKenzie: I do.
- Doug McKenzie: I do.
- Bob McKenzie: I guess we're married, clerk.
- Doug McKenzie: Oh.
- Bob McKenzie: Where's the honeymoon?
- The Judge: Order, Order!
- Bob McKenzie: Gimmie a toasted back bacon, hold the toast.
- Doug McKenzie: Don't make me laugh, eh.
- The Judge: I must instruct you not to speak, until you are spoken to!
- Bob McKenzie: Jeez, he's startin' to sound like the old man. Pretty soon he'll be sending me out for beers.
- [Doug sneezes out the two bullets in his nose... which ricochet around the courtroom!]
- Bob McKenzie: He once got our dead battery goin' by mixin' bird feces and spit, cause there's like acids in it, eh?
- Bob McKenzie: Fleshy-headed mutant. Are you friendly?
- Doug McKenzie: No way, eh? Ra-... radiation has made... me an enemy of civilization.
- Bob McKenzie: [into a comm unit] Alpha Base. This is Bob McKenzie. I've spotted a fleshy-headed mutant in sector 16B.
- [Doug walks off camera behind the van; camera cuts to Bob shooting Doug with a toy foam launcher]
- Doug McKenzie: Ahhh! Take off, you hoser.
- Bob McKenzie: Ok, all cops, get out of your cars.
- [the cops get out of their cars]
- Bob McKenzie: Ok, I want to take a head count. Like maybe we'll have some breakfast. Some back bacon sandwiches while we was waiting. Ok, another thing, you all went through the stop sign back there, and that's a moving violation, and my brother and I... we have a lot of parking tickets...
- Doug McKenzie: [after pouring a beer for their dad into a glass from a dog dish] You take it to him.
- Bob McKenzie: No way, you take it to him.
- Doug McKenzie: No, you.
- Bob McKenzie: [both holding the glass] No! I'm gonna let go. I'm lettin' go and you're takin it.
- Doug McKenzie: No! I'm lettin' go.
- Bob McKenzie: Let go then.
- Doug McKenzie: [both let go and the glass smashes] Dad! Bob broke your beer!
- Bob McKenzie: No I didn't! Doug broke it!
- Doug McKenzie: Figures you wouldn't know how to work it if it's got a computer.
- Bob McKenzie: Oh yeah, Mister Wizard, you know, eh...
- Doug McKenzie: Let me try, I'm a genius.
- Bob McKenzie: Remind me to pay his bill on time, eh?
- Doug McKenzie: Yeah, Chuck Norris for the defense, eh?
- Bob McKenzie: Beauties.
- Bob McKenzie: He's guarding the beer, what're we going to do?
- Doug McKenzie: Bribe him.
- Bob McKenzie: Well, give him a donut. A jelly, he likes jelly. Jelly donut comin'! Ok, Hosehead?
- Pam Elsinore: You know how to handle one of those big rigs?
- Bob McKenzie: Jeez, it's a ten-speed.
- Doug McKenzie: Yeah, sure, o' corse, like, uh, we drive 'em, all the time, eh.
- Pam Elsinore: Well take off, eh.