James Mason credited as playing...
Captain Hughes
- Captain Hughes: What's that?
- Mr. Crisp: Oh, that's my box, sir.
- Captain Hughes: No carrying your box.
- Mr. Crisp: Oh, Cabin Boy Smith, sir.
- Captain Hughes: Smith has tits.
- Mr. Crisp: He's been a bit ill, sir.
- Captain Hughes: Get her off!
- Captain Hughes: Wait a minute! What is that?
- Gilbert: It's a crocodile, sir.
- Captain Hughes: What's it for?
- Gilbert: Well, um... each sailor is allowed, by tradition, a pet, sir.
- Captain Hughes: One pet per sailor, parrots preferred.
- Gilbert: Well, we like clubbed together, as it were, if you take my drift, sir.
- Captain Hughes: That's bigger than three parrots.
- Gilbert: Not if they're in cages, sir.
- Captain Hughes: Open it up.
- Gilbert: Open it up?
- Captain Hughes: Open it up! There are buttons down the side.
- [Gilbert opens the crocodile. Rosie the prostitute is smiling inside]
- Captain Hughes: The ancient superstition that a woman onboard brings bad luck is now a proven scientific fact.
- Gilbert: Nice try, Rosie.
- Rosie: [Rosie walks off and stops a sailor carrying a sheep towards the ship] Shouldn't bother, love. They're fairly strict on this one.
- Captain Hughes: Is there anyone here who does not want to serve in Her Majesty's Navy?
- [Crewmember raises his hand, Captain Hughes shoots him]
- Captain Hughes: Now, is there anyone else here who does not want to serve in Her Majesty's Navy?
- Captain Hughes: This is Mr. Moon. His speciality is discipline. This is Mr. Crisp. His specialty is discipline. This is Mr. Prostitute. His speciality...
- [Tarbuck starts laughing]
- Captain Hughes: Nail that man's foot to the deck!