Michael Caine credited as playing...
Matthew Hollis
- Matthew: One time a company I worked for transferred me to an island in the Pacific. Fantastic place. I invited my girl to visit me. I sent her a postcard everyday with a single word on each card. I wrote "Found a virgin paradise. It's yours. Matthew." Narturally, they were delivered in the wrong order. The message she got was "Found a virgin. It's paradise. Yours, Matthew." I never heard from her again.
- Matthew Hollis: Jennifer, about last night...
- Jennifer Lyons: Kiss me first.
- Matthew Hollis: Kiss you? I ought to spank you!
- Jennifer Lyons: Oh, please, and bite me too.
- Eduardo Marques: Hello. Hello.
- Victor Lyons: Hi!
- Eduardo Marques: [his English is not so good.] How nice. You are buying groceries together. You are, how you say, the Queer Couple?
- Matthew Hollis: [referring to the name of the TV series] The Odd Couple. Odd.
- Jennifer Lyons: Come on, the beat's wonderful.
- Matthew Hollis: No, it's just that I can't do any kind of dancing where you have to use your body.
- Jennifer Lyons: [about Bernardo] He's nineteen, is that what you had in mind?
- Matthew Hollis: Nineteen is perfect. I've been nineteen a couple of times myself.
- Matthew Hollis: Wake up Jennifer. You fell asleep. You've been dreaming. You had a very bad dream.
- Jennifer Lyons: That we were making love?
- Matthew Hollis: Probably. Yes! Probably. That was it.
- Jennifer Lyons: How would you know?
- Matthew Hollis: I must have had the same dream, too.
- Jennifer Lyons: Don't feel guilty.
- Matthew Hollis: I don't know what to feel.
- Jennifer Lyons: I'm ready for another dream if you are.
- Victor Lyons: Ah-ha. You got milk all over your whiskers, pussycat. Who was the lucky girl? Where'd you meet her?
- Matthew Hollis: I didn't meet anybody.
- Victor Lyons: Okay, okay, we'll talk at breakfast. I want to know all the details about it. We can start at the bottom if you like.
- Matthew Hollis: It was the night of the wedding.
- Victor Lyons: Romance was in the air.
- Matthew Hollis: Birds. Music. Dancing. Drums. Everything was.
- Victor Lyons: Blame it on Rio, eh?
- Victor Lyons: [on the beach, passing women] They smiled. Maybe we should talk to them.
- Matthew Hollis: We can't. They're practically naked.
- Victor Lyons: Try to picture them with clothes on.
- Matthew Hollis: [Jennifer had given him a small Tiki love-god idol on a necklace.] It was just what I needed: a one-inch god with a two-inch penis.
- Jennifer Lyons: You should wear your hair like this.
- Matthew Hollis: What time is it?
- Jennifer Lyons: About one. I like it like this. Makes you look older.
- Matthew Hollis: [looks at his watch] It's almost three.
- Jennifer Lyons: Pretend it's one...
- Jennifer Lyons: Make love to me.
- Matthew Hollis: I'm twenty years older than you.
- Jennifer Lyons: Twenty-eight.
- Matthew Hollis: Twenty-five.
- [Jennifer takes out her retainer. Mathew and Jennifer kiss]
- Jennifer Lyons: Poor Daddy!
- Matthew Hollis: Oh, yours or Nicole's?
- Jennifer Lyons: Mine.
- Matthew Hollis: Oh, that "Poor Daddy." You can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a poor daddy.
- Nicole Hollis: She's in love, you know?
- Matthew Hollis: She thinks so.
- Nicole Hollis: If you think so, you are.
- Matthew Hollis: It was, quite simply, the worst night of my life, my embarrassment compounded by the fact that Victor had now slept with two out of the three members of my family.