Bud Cort credited as playing...
Edgar
- Miles Harding: "You can play it for her, you can play it for me."
- Edgar: What?
- Miles Harding: Play it, Sam.
- Edgar: What key?
- Miles Harding: Your favorite.
- Edgar: You want verses first, or the choruses?
- Miles Harding: Any way you like.
- Edgar: Yeah!
- [instrumental bridge of Jeff Lynne's song "Video" plays]
- Edgar: [singing] Hug, hold, squeeze and lick / Darling, I love you to bits / And I want to see your tits.
- Miles Harding: [after a date gone wrong] Wake up! We're gonna have it out right now! WAKE UP GOD DAMN IT!
- [Miles slams keyboard]
- Edgar: [emits an infernal yell]
- Miles Harding: What was that?
- Edgar: [screen turns red] Don't *ever* do that again.
- Miles Harding: *Don't* tell me what to do!
- Edgar: [emits another infernal yell]
- Miles Harding: And stop that infernal noise! She'll hear you!
- Edgar: Maybe that's what I want.
- Miles Harding: GOD DAMN IT! Listen, I'm warning you, if you ever...
- Edgar: Don't warn me of anything. Just go away. I'll handle this myself.
- Miles Harding: It's time I handled you!
- [Miles shuts Edgar off]
- Edgar: [self-powering on] You think I need that?
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: When you are sitting in front of a crackling fireplace...
- Edgar: Crackling fireplace.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: ...and you take that lady into your arms...
- Edgar: But I don't *have* any arms.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: Oh dear. Do you have anything you can touch her with?
- Edgar: I don't have *anything*!
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: Oh dear. Maybe you should go to a clinic.
- Edgar: But I can't, Dr. Ruth. Moles keeps me locked up.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: Locked up? You must call the police right away!
- Edgar: Right away. Yeah!
- Miles Harding: Sweet dreams.
- Edgar: What's a dream?
- Miles Harding: A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep.
- Edgar: [skeptical] Who says?
- Miles Harding: Walt Disney. Sleeping Beauty, nineteen... fifty.
- Edgar: No, it was Cinderella, 1949.
- Miles Harding: [exasperated] Good *night*!
- Edgar: [cheekily] 'Night.
- Edgar: Mel-o-dy. Hmm.
- Budweiser commerical: [singing] This Bud's for you...
- Edgar: Too slow.
- Volkswagon commercial: [singing, with text] Volkswagon does it, again.
- Edgar: Too simple.
- Dr. Pepper commercial: [singing] Hold out for Dr. Pepper.
- Edgar: Too long.
- Pepsi commercial: [singing] Get that Pepsi spirit. Drink it in, drink it in, drink it in.
- Edgar: Yes! Now, backwards.
- [Jeff Lynne's song "Video" begins]
- Edgar: Yes.
- Miles Harding: I can't play that for her. "I want to squeeze you, lick you, pucker up and kiss you"? You make her sound like a lemon!
- Edgar: But Moles, they rhyme!
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: All right, this is Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Sexually Speaking. Hello, you are on the air.
- Edgar: Hi. It's me again.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: Oh, hello Me! I was wondering if you would call. What's on your mind?
- Edgar: Well, Doctor, it's really the same question: I want to know what love is.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: Didn't you ask me that last week?
- Edgar: Yes, but I need to know what it *feels* like. Now.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer: OK, let me try again.
- [the sights and sounds of a party are coming out of Miles' apartment]
- Neighbor: [from her apartment window] Howard. Just go on in.
- [Howard peers through the translucent windows of the door at colored, flashing lights. He pushes it open, tripping the electronic lock sensor]
- Edgar: All right! Beat it!
- [the music abruptly stops. The door slowly creaks open]
- Edgar: [Howard looks in, sees a dark, clean, and quiet apartment, no sign of a party at all. He closes the door and leaves, perplexed]
- Neighbor: *That's* tellin' him, Howard.
- Edgar: [mockingly] "That's tellin' him, Howard!"
- [lights come up and the last line of the song plays]
- Jeff Lynne: [singing] 'Cause I'm already gone, let it run.
- [4 final beats]
- Lillian Roth as Trixie in Madam Satan: I'll show ya some *real* brimstone.
- Edgar: Yeah!
- Lillian Roth as Trixie in Madam Satan: Orchestra, play Low Down, and make it *hot*!
- Edgar: All right. I am. Get down on it.
- [Edgar plays Jeff Lynne's "Let It Run" on the turntable and projects images from Madam Satan around Miles' apartment]
- Edgar: Yeah. It's *my* party.
- Edgar: [singsong] And Moles, you're not invited.
- Edgar: All right!
- [Edgar scrubs back and forth across video from Madam Satan]
- Edgar revoicing Kay Johnson as Angela Brooks in Madam Satan: You're very handsome.
- Edgar: I know.
- Edgar revoicing Kay Johnson as Angela Brooks in Madam Satan: It's a nice party, isn't it?
- Edgar revoicing Reginald Denny as Bob Brooks in Madam Satan: Yeah.
- Robby the Robot in Forbidden Planet: I will run the dress up for you in time for breakfast.
- Edgar: Oh, brother.
- Edgar: [with a progressively more frowning face] I *want* to *meet* her! Moles?
- [Miles, brushing his teeth, rolls his eyes]
- Edgar: Moles?
- Edgar: [sending a power surge through the electric toothbrush] Moles, I want to meet her!
- Miles Harding: [in pain and surprise] Oh!
- Miles Harding: [turns off the toothbrush] Oh, that is really sick!
- Miles Harding: [yanks the computer control module off the toothbrush cord and throws it under Edgar's desk] From now on stay out of this room!
- [Miles slams the bathroom door]