Brian Dennehy credited as playing...
Mayor Frizzoli
- Mayor Frizzoli: [Frizzoli shows up at his sister's farmhouse frantically looking for her] Anna-Marie! Anna-Marie! Anna-Marie!
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: [gathering eggs from a chicken coop] What?
- Mayor Frizzoli: Where the hell are you?
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: What is it now, Mario?
- Mayor Frizzoli: You left the front door open, again. Where the hell is he?
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: He's out back.
- Mayor Frizzoli: I told you to keep him in the HOUSE!
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: Well, he's helping me. I got to do all the work myself, you know, since you made me fire everybody.
- Mayor Frizzoli: I had to fire everybody so they wouldn't know he was here!
- [Lane appears from behind playing with a toy airplane]
- Lane Biddlecoff: Hello, Uncle Mario.
- Mayor Frizzoli: Shut up. All right, now, listen to me, the two of you. There's a train arriving here in a couple hours.
- Lane Biddlecoff: What train?
- Mayor Frizzoli: And on that train is Lane Biddlecoff's body.
- Lane Biddlecoff: But I'm Lane Biddlecoff.
- Mayor Frizzoli: [slaps Lane across the face] Didn't I say shut up?
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: What are you talking about?
- Mayor Frizzoli: There's a stiff showing up here with your idiot son's name on it.
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: What?
- Mayor Frizzoli: That's right. He's no longer a living deserter. Now, he's a dead hero.
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: There must be some mistake.
- Mayor Frizzoli: Of course, it's a mistake, but the point is, we're the only ones who know it! Now look, when the stiff shows up, we do a bit at the railroad station, have a five-minute parade, then zap, it goes in the ground, zap, we cover it up, then we stick the moron here on the first banana boat to Venezuela.
- Lane Biddlecoff: How come I got to go to Venezuela?
- Mayor Frizzoli: Because you didn't have the sense to get killed!
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: That is your nephew that you're talking about! Your own sister's son!
- Lane Biddlecoff: I don't want to go to Venezuela!
- Mayor Frizzoli: You should have thought of that before you deserted!
- Lane Biddlecoff: I wouldn't have deserted if you would've kept me out of the draft.
- Mayor Frizzoli: [angrily] WHAT DRAFT? YOU'RE ENLISTED!
- Lane Biddlecoff: [chuckles] Oh, yeah. That's right.
- Mayor Frizzoli: Jesus, what a NITWIT!
- Mulholland: [while Frizzoli is on the phone, Officer Mullholland appears from behind and draws his gun] Hold it right there, your honor. Phone down, hands up.
- Mayor Frizzoli: [over the phone] I'll call you right back.
- Lane Biddlecoff: Hey, Jeff. Long time, no see.
- Mulholland: How you doing, Lane? You want to put your hands up?
- Mayor Frizzoli: Oh, put the thing away. Look, you are making a very big mistake, Mulholland.
- Mulholland: [takes out his handcuffs to arrest Rizzoli] I'm making Captain. That's what I'm making.
- Mayor Frizzoli: [enters Anna-Marie's kitchen] Anna-Marie!
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: What is it, now?
- Mayor Frizzoli: Why didn't you tell me he was married?
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: He's not.
- Mayor Frizzoli: Don't give me that. His wife is here. She was at the funeral!
- Lane Biddlecoff: [enters the kitchen] Hi, Uncle Mario!
- [Anna-Marie gets up from the table and slaps Lane hard across the right side of his face]
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: Why didn't you tell me you were married?
- Lane Biddlecoff: I'm not!
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: [slaps him on the left side of the face] Don't you lie to me. Your wife was at your funeral.
- Lane Biddlecoff: What's her name?
- Anna-Marie Biddlecoff: Well, how should I know? YOU tell me!
- Lane Biddlecoff: [after brainstorming an idea] I could have been drunk or something. Maybe I took a look at her. Where is she?
- Mayor Frizzoli: No, no, no, you stay right here! She's leaving tomorrow morning. YOU'RE leaving tomorrow afternoon. Count on it!
- [Anna-Marie turns to Lane, and, anticipating another slap, fearfully covers his face]