Steve Guttenberg credited as playing...
Carey Mahoney
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney! Remember, that nobody screws with me.
- Carey Mahoney: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and all that will change.
- Moses Hightower: I was a florist.
- Carey Mahoney: A florist?
- Moses Hightower: Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.
- [Mahoney and Thompson, both in full dress uniform, are kissing passionately before the graduation ceremony]
- Cmndt. Eric Lassard: You men stop that!
- [Thompson turns around, removes her cap and smiles, showing her face and long hair to Lassard]
- Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Oh... OHHH! Well. That's more like it, Mahoney. Good man. Keep up the good work!
- Carey Mahoney: Yes, sir!
- Carey Mahoney: [Hightower smashes into the bumper of another car] You didn't hit the brakes.
- Moses Hightower: You didn't tell me to.
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [having had his head recently removed from a horse's behind] You told, no one?
- Carey Mahoney: Not a soul.
- [Harris passes in front of the line of cadets, and is annoyed to see that they are all straining not to laugh at him. He becomes even more annoyed when he notices that Sgt. Callahan is also on the verge of bursting out laughing. When he passes near Jones, Jones makes sound of horse neigh, as if to make it clear that everyone heard about the embarrassing incident]
- Carey Mahoney: Sir. Look, sir, new pants.
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [notices that Mahoney is holding the megaphone] What are you doing with that? Give me that.
- [Harris grabs his megaphone from Mahoney and uses it, without noticing that Mahoney applied brown shoe polish on it]
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: All right, you scumballs. You have a 30 minutes to hit the showers and get to class. Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up, assholes!
- [Harris then turns to Cmdt. Lassard, with shoe polish from his megaphone all around his lips, looking like a goatee]
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: So far, nobody's quit, but they will.
- [Cmdt. Lassard laughs at Harris. Harris, thinking that perhaps he said something funny, joins his laughter]
- Carey Mahoney: Thompson, why you do want to be a cop?
- Cadet Karen Thompson: I like to dress as a man.
- Carey Mahoney: Me too.
- Carey Mahoney: What are you in for?
- Larvell Jones: I'll show you.
- [holds a microphone up to his mouth and imitates gun fire causing everybody to drop to the floor. They get up after realizing what happened]
- Booking Sergeant: GODDAMMIT! STOP THAT!
- [Into phone]
- Booking Sergeant: Oh, no. Not you, sir.
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [Lieutenant Harris is assigning rooms to the cadets] In here I want Copeland and Blankes! In here I want Fackler and Martin! In here I want Barbara and Jones! In here I want Mahoney and Tackleberry!
- Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: [Screams] THANK YOU, SIR! YES, SIR!
- Carey Mahoney: [to Harris] Thank you, for putting me in with a maniac!
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: My pleasure! Mahoney, isn't it?
- Carey Mahoney: Yes, sir! And may I just say...
- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: The rest of you dirtbags follow me!
- Carey Mahoney: Thank you Cmdt. Lassard.
- Carey Mahoney: Chief Hurst.
- Carey Mahoney: Madam Mayor.
- Carey Mahoney: Mr. President.
- Carey Mahoney: His Holiness The Pope.
- Carey Mahoney: The King Of Norway.
- Carey Mahoney: And our other honor guests.