The Sea Serpent

After an atomic bomb is dropped into the sea, THE SEA SERPENT is created. While the monster is utterly preposterous, the true stars of the film are the inane dialogue and dreadful dubbing, making the proceedings seem almost dreamlike!

Timothy Bottoms plays a ship's captain who sees the creature, and Ray Milland has a throwaway role as Professor Wallace. All, while the monster eats people like anchovies, accompanied by its own JAWS-inspired theme music!

This joyfully wretched Spanish film is recommended viewing for all lovers of rock bottom cinema...

and abysmal, over-the-top acting, you might enjoy this rubbish flick.Apparently atomic bombs makes life mutate in about a day or two (or according to other viewers, wake them up). Or so it seems. And apparently massive atomic explosions off the coast of Spain doesn't make anyone ask any questions at all. Coming to think of it, the plot doesn't make sense in any way whatsoever (why would evil sock puppets attack lighthouses?), so the nukes going off for no reason at all doesn't stand out too much.

OK, getting past this, and the fact that the "monster" is a glorified thing you make of socks in kindergarten, you may actually be able to stand this. But for once the complete lack of gore doesn't help, leaving the monster attacks in all their naked rock-bottom-budget "glory".

I doubt you'll be able to watch this though, so better stay well away.

'Hydra' -- better known as 'The Sea Serpent' or 'Serpiente de Mar' -- this low budget horror film involves an eel that mutates into a giant monster after exposure to nuclear radiation, terrorising locals boating off the coast of Lisbon. As one might imagine, the film has formed a cult following in Portugal as one of few horror movies filmed there, but the worth of the film is debatable. Firstly, the plot does not add up. The films opens with the Americans deciding to drop a nuclear bomb in the ocean to prevent Russia from realising they have one and retaliating, which is sort of logical; what isn't logical is them activating the bomb before dropping it (!), producing a giant mushroom cloud that the Soviet Union would have to notice! The film also features possibly the most blatant rip-off of the John Williams theme to 'Jaws' and the acting leaves a lot to be desired. Most vexing of all though is that the title creature is never very scary. When Timothy Bottom first sees the creature and shirks back, it is unclear whether he retreating in fear or simply shock at the second rate creature effects. For all its vices though, 'Hydra' is difficult to dislike a film with glow-in-the-dark fish and a local hospital that looks like a five-star hotel. The sardonic, near Kafkaesque dilemma Bottoms finds himself in also resonates, held responsible for sinking his ship as a result of being a soul survivor rather than acknowledged as a hero for warding off the beast. A scene where he wildly acts out the movements of the serpent in a hotel room (oops--hospital room) also needs to be seen to be believed.

Just when you thought movies had stopped blaming nuclear radiation for evrything along comes this movie from Amando De Ossorio. Taking a break from the "Blind Dead" series Senior De Ossorio offers us science fiction with a touch of Cold War propaganda. An Air Force jet carrying a new type of atomic bomb is forced to jettison it in the Pacific. It explodes on contact (don't you HATE when that happens?) and quicker than you can say "Horror of Party Beach" a tiny fish mutates into the title character. He is a fearsome sight, huge white eyes, rudimentary wings, sharp teeth; he is as realistic looking as REPTILICUS . . .and that should tell you how realistic looking he is! Peoples reaction to hearing about the sea monster are pretty much the way people would really react. One man (Timothy Bottoms) loses his captains license when he reports his ship being sunk and his crew eaten alive. A woman (Taryn Power) who saw her best friend devoured, is put into a mental hospital! The two form an alliance (which in true tradition of movies turns into love) to prove the beast exists and talk a crotchety old professor (Ray Milland in his next to last role) into joining them. Watch for director Leon Klimovsky (VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY) playing a Naval officer at a court martial. Actor Victor Israel (LA RESIDENCIA) shows up as a drunken night watchman long enough to get eaten. The action is great but don't expect eye popping special effects; miniatures are well done but obvious. The scene of the beast attacking a railroad bridge is still quite good, low budget or not. This is the sort of movie we used to go see on Saturday afternoon. Heat up some popcorn and watch this on a double bill with THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER and you will certainly have fun.

This film has me seriously doubting again whether Armando de Ossorio was a good filmmaker or not... His BLIND DEAD films are praised by many fans. This I can understand. But wanna-be Gothic vampire trite like MALENKA doesn't show any signs from a gifted filmmaker. And that also goes for SERPIENTE DE MAR. It features horrible acting, a dumb plot, stupid events, a lot of other things you can expect from a bad monster-movie and also veteran actor Ray Milland, who does his best to mumble his way through this film while not having much of a clue about what he's doing in it. Apparently Milland was already very ill while shooting SERPIENTE DE MAR (his last theatrical feature) and going out with a ridiculous stinker like this, makes it all the more sad. One last appearance alongside Peter Cushing in a made-for-TV film directed by Roy Ward Baker (also in 1984) doesn't change much about it.

But the sock puppet/sea serpent is a hoot to behold. Watch it swirl up a lighthouse and crush it. See it destroy a harbour with miniature boats. Look at it demolish bridges and munch on charming miniature trains.

Good Badness? Yes. 3/10 and 7/10