Holland Taylor credited as playing...
Gloria
- [after reading Joan's new novel based on her adventure]
- Gloria: Joanie, you are now a WORLD-CLASS hopeless romantic.
- Joan Wilder: No, hopeful. Hopeful romantic.
- Gloria: [sniffling while reading Joan's latest novel] Well, that is far and away your best book. I can't believe how fast you cranked this out.
- Joan Wilder: So you really like it?
- Gloria: Like it? What? Look at me. Look at me, I'm a mess. It made me cry. You tell anybody, I'll cut your heart out. I love the end where he dives off the high wall and swims away. Then he meets her at the airport. They sail off around the world together. God, I can't believe how this got to me.
- Joan Wilder: Well, I was, uh, inspired.
- Gloria: [observing men in a bar] Wimp. Wimp. Loser. Loser. Major loser. Too angry. Too vague. Too desperate. God, too happy. Oh, look at this guy. Mr. Mondo Dismo. I actually used to date him. Total sleaze bucket. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold everything. Get a load of this character. What about him?
- Joan Wilder: No, he's - he's just not...
- Gloria: Who? Jessie?
- Joan Wilder: Maybe it's silly, but, I know there is somebody out there for me.
- Gloria: Colombia? Do you have any idea what it's like in Colombia? I do. Your books do very well in these macho countries. They have jungles there, Joanie, insects the size of sanitation trucks. Revolutionaries. Have you had your shots?
- Joan Wilder: Shots? What shots?
- Gloria: You see? You're completely unprepared. Wait a minute. Just hold on. Would you tell me what's going on? Why are you doing this?
- Joan Wilder: Elaine is in some trouble. She has a... little domestic problem.
- Gloria: Domestic problem? Elaine's last domestic problem was finding her husband cut into small pieces. I'm not gonna let you do this. You cannot go!
- Joan Wilder: [giving her a pet carrier] Here's Romeo. Now, I want you to promise me to feed him and hold him at least once a day.
- [taking a small bottle of alcohol from a cabinet]
- Joan Wilder: Gotcha.
- Gloria: You're gonna need something stronger than that.
- [cut to them leaving the building]
- Gloria: Listen to me. You get bus-sick, seasick, plane-sick, train-sick. You practically puke riding on the escalator at Bloomingdale's, for God's sake!
- Joan Wilder: Well, a lot of people get sick in department stores.
- Gloria: Joanie, please don't go. You're not up to this, Joan, and you know it.
- Joan Wilder: [hailing a taxi] I know. But she's my sister.
- Gloria: [meaning Joan's cat Romeo] I'll feed him, but I'm not picking him up.