The Adventures of Hercules

The first "Hercules" (1983) by Luigi Cozzi was a completely incomprehensible psychedelic disjointed mess, unrivaled by any swords & sorcery outing at the time (though I have to admit Lucio Fulci's "Conquest" comes mighty close). In 1985 the unthinkable happens: "Hercules" gets a sequel. And fans of the first one will not be disappointed, because it delivers the same brand of incoherent over-the-top extravagant entertainment as the first film did. You'll be scratching your head numerous times once again with what all kind of adventures our muscular mythical hero gets into this time. Between all the mind-boggling shenanigans, a fairly simple plot can be spotted: The gods send Hercules (once again played by Lou "Hulk" Ferrigno) back to earth again, for he has to locate & reclaim the Seven Thunderbolts, which have been stolen by other more evil gods. Hercules never really has to search for them; he's simply lead on one "mission" after another, battling various creatures (amongst them some fierce & ridiculous-looking mud-zombie things and even one of the Gorgons, a sister of Medusa) alongside two beautiful babes. Every time he defeats a creature, he'll find one of the Seven Thunderbolts within. For some reason the villainous King Minos (William Berger, reprising his role from the first film) gets resurrected by the evil gods too, only to decide he wants those Seven Thunderbolts for himself. Or well, something like that. Or just see him blabbering on about science being the way of all things. The final battle between King Minos & Hercules (in space!) has to be seen to be believed (lots of flashy animated effects, including a giant gorilla vs. dinosaur). If I wouldn't know any better, I'd say both "Hercules" movies were conceived & produced under the influence of some very strong LSD, because that's what they look like: a wondrously cuckoo fantasy trip on acid. Italians making films in the '80s; you gotta love 'em.

More cheesy badly-dubbed greatness from Cannon. This sequel to the classic Hercules has our hero and his humongous pectorals out to recover Zeus' stolen thunderbolts. To do this he must fight guys in ghillie suits and creatures created with poor computer and stop-motion effects. A full day's work for Herc.

Lou Ferrigno is certainly a physical sight to behold and his stone-serious facial expressions at all times makes the movie that much more hilarious because it does not deserve to be taken seriously in the least. Unfortunately, sexy Sybil Danning does not return from the first movie but there are still some scantily-clad Italian babes to feast your eyes on. The special effects are cheap but charmingly so. Love the obsession with neon. The stop-motion Medusa appears to be made from Play-Doh. Lots of bad but quotable lines coming from voices that are clearly not those of the actors. Look, it's glorious garbage of a movie but there's a good deal of fun to be had laughing at it. I'll take unintended entertainment over no entertainment any day.

I have never seen a movie spend so much time trying to explain the incomprehensible story and still not make any sense. Just like the first movie they constantly talk about science, yet the movie has nothing to do with science. I doubt they even get any of the mythology right. Zeus is a god who has no powers without his thunderbolts. Which can easily be stolen by just about anyone. What is a thunderbolt? The sound that lightning makes has bolts? The only way this movie might be any fun is if you watch at 1.5x speed and take a shot every time someone says "Wait for me".

This movie is pretty awful. Not like the old Steve Reeves pictures were not great cinema to begin with, but at least they made some semblance of an effort to at least vaguely resemble the mythology on which they were based. The Ferrigno pictures, on the other hand, don't even bother at all for the most part, other than using the names of characters from Greek (and some Roman) mythology. Instead this picture takes a 'Star Wars' + video game sort of route, creating a nonsensical farrago of cruddy-looking back-projected setpieces and some of the lamest fight sequences you'll ever see (Ferrigno moves like a ground sloth on quaaludes and, consequently, all the people he fights have to be sure and not move any faster). The climactic animated neon showdown between Minos (a character who predated the Hercules of mythology by at least a generation and in no way resembled the fellow in this film) and Hercules is the pinnacle of Italian cheapjack cinema. Utter crap.

Lou Ferrigno returns once again in this demented sequel to Luiggi Cozzi's earlier film; And believe it or not, this one is even more brazenly stupid than its predecessor! - Yes, I kid thee not! This time, our hero Herc is called back to earth on a perilous mission to retrieve Zeus's seven magic thunderbolts which have been stolen by some renegade Gods. Aiding our hero is a pretty, busty heroine who bears an uncanny resemblance to pop princess Kylie Minogue(!) - so much so in fact, that during one particular scene, I could have sworn I was watching the video to 'I should be so lucky'.

Um....anyway, in order to collect each of the thunderbolts, our man must first slay each of the monsters 'housing' them. But by gum, if this wasn't bad enough, Herc only has a limited amount of time to complete the task for, due to the cosmic imbalance caused by the absence of the thunderbolts in the heavens, the moon is now on a collision course for earth!!! Yes, the pressure is very much on and wouldn't you know it - just to add EVEN MORE to problems, King Minos from the first film is resurrected - a villain with an especial grudge against our hero after he defeated him previously.

Like its dopey forerunner, this effort makes the monumental mistake of combining ill thought out sci-fi elements with Greek myths - the end result being a bizarre mess and one rife for ridicule. Having said this however, such ridicule is of course the very reason to watch this in the first place; Yes, this is a gloriously bad film which goes down well with excessive alcohol intake.

Best/worst scenes? God, there's so many to poke fun at but undoubtedly the daftest is the final fight between Herc and Minos which takes place in space(!) and during which, both combatants transform themselves into cosmic manifestations i.e. poor looking animations! Bizarrely for reasons best known to himself, Minos transforms into a dinosaur(!) to which our hero immediately responds by transforming himself into a cosmic gorilla(!) Words sadly can't do this utterly ridiculous scene sufficient justice - you simply have to see it to believe it.

Yes, this is a truly terrible film, no two ways about it, but it is however quiet a hoot and is essential viewing for all self respecting bad movie lovers.