Paul Reubens credited as playing...
Pee-wee Herman
- Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.
- Dottie: I don't understand.
- Pee-wee: You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.
- [Pee-wee has been picked up by a trucker]
- Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
- Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this same stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building...
- [cut to a few minutes later]
- Large Marge: And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...!
- [Turns to Pee-wee and makes grotesque face]
- Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!
- Large Marge: Yes, Sir! The worst accident I ever seen.
- Pee-wee: This box contains over 217 bits and pieces of information, evidence. Exhibit A: A photograph of the victims, my bike and me.
- [Speck growls]
- Pee-wee: Exhibit B: Another photograph. What's missing from this picture? It's just me... WITHOUT MY BIKE!
- [Amazing Larry whispers something to Mario]
- Pee-wee: Is this something you can share with the rest of us Amazing Larry?
- Amazing Larry: Uh... no.
- Pee-wee: Exhibit C: The horn I was picking up at Chuck's Bikeorama when my bike was actually stolen!
- [Honks the horn loudly scaring everyone]
- Pee-wee: Exhibit D: Jimmy what is this? Too late! Chip!
- Chip: It looks like a pen.
- Pee-wee: Exactly! I bought this pen exactly one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I DON'T KNOW!
- Biker #2: [the whole gang holds Pee-wee hostage] I say we kill him!
- Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
- Biker #3: I say we hang him, *then* we kill him!
- Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
- Biker #4: I say we stomp him!
- Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
- Biker #4: Then we tattoo him!
- Biker Gang: [shout] Yeah!
- Biker #4: Then we hang him...!
- Biker Gang: [shout] YEAH!'!
- Biker #4: And then we kill him!
- Biker Gang: [shout] YEAH!'!'!
- Pee-wee: [tries to throw voice without moving lips] I say we let him go.
- Biker Gang: [shout] NO!'!'!
- Biker Mama: [whistles] I say ya let me have him first!
- Biker Gang: [break out in raucous laughter]
- [Pee-Wee looks at Mickey's hand as he is wearing one handcuff]
- Pee-wee: What did you do?
- Mickey: Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they put on mattresses?
- Pee-wee: Yeah.
- Mickey: Well I CUT one of them off!
- Pee-wee: Jee.
- Mickey: Yeah, I have a real bad temper.
- Pee-wee: Boy, I always thought that was the dumbest law.
- Pee-wee: I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!
- Francis: Then you're crazy!
- Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
- Francis: You're a nerd!
- Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
- Francis: You're an idiot!
- Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
- Pee-wee, Francis: I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? Pee-wee: Infinity!
- Francis: No, I'm not.
- Pee-wee, Francis: You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!
- Francis: Shut up, Pee-wee!
- Pee-wee: Why don't you make me?
- Francis: Why don't you make me?
- Pee-wee: Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.
- Francis: Pee-wee, listen to reason.
- [Pee-Wee cuffs his hand around his ear in a listening motion]
- Francis: Come on!
- Pee-wee: Shhhh! I'm listening to reason.
- Francis: Pee-wee!
- Pee-wee: That's my name, don't wear it out.
- Francis: Remember the first time I saw your bike? You came riding past my house and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?
- Pee-wee: I love that story.
- [jumps on bike and pedals away]
- Francis: You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!
- Mother Superior: Oh Rusty, you are an inspiration to us all!
- Pee-wee: I'll say! I'm going to start a paper route right now.
- Mr. Breakfast: Good morning, Pee-wee!
- Pee-wee: Good morning, Mr. Breakfast!
- Mr. Breakfast: Can I have some Mr. T cereal?
- Pee-wee: Okay!
- [imitates Mr. T as he prepares his Mr. T cereal]
- Pee-wee: I pity the poor fool who don't eat my cereal!
- Madame Ruby: For twenty dollars I can tell you a lot of things. For thirty dollars I can tell you more. And for fifty dollars I can tell you *everything*.
- Pee-wee: Tell me why I'm here first.
- Madame Ruby: You're here because you... want something!