Private Resort

Take a typical 80's B-comedy, and give the two male leads to two actors who would go on to awards and world fame.

Believe me or not, Depp and Morrow take two stock characters and make the material seem that much better; suddenly Jack and Ben hold the film together, rather than just reacting to everything within a narrow character description. Okay, so it's not art, but it's interesting from a film education perspective, if nothing else.

The script and direction aren't bad either, for a 1980's sex romp. Would have liked to see the director go on to better material. Ah, well.

7/10, for effort and sheer amusement value.

Released in 1985, "Private Resort" stars Johnny Depp (who was only 21 during filming) and Rob Morrow as two adolescent guests at a Florida resort for the weekend. Their only interest is chasing beach beauties, but fate has much more in store for them.

My title blurb is true: I've never seen such an assortment of bodacious females in any other movie. I'll put it like this: Take any dozen similar-themed movies and I assure that "Private Resort" contains more beautiful women than all of them in just the first half hour.

The top female, by the way, is the one with whom Andrew Dice Clay's character intends to cheat; the one the protagonists try to hide from the girlfriend in the apartment (it's impossible to pinpoint her name in the credits and, besides, I think she's uncredited).

Second place goes to Emily Longstreth, who plays Patti. Speaking of whom, she fell out of acting entirely by the 90s and reportedly fell into substance abuse, mental illness, and living in a homeless shelter in New York City. There's also credible reports that she died in January, 2015 (please correct me, if this isn't true). In any case, she shines here as Rob's potential girlfriend and shows-off her physical beauty in a white bikini in the last act.

Aside from the women, there are a lot of compelling antics, like zany chases in the hotel and butchered haircuts. Despite the boys' obsession with females, the movie drives home the point of landing the right mate, who's beautiful inside and out.

I've heard the movie criticized as misogynistic, but this is laughable in light of the focus on women and the celebration thereof. I suppose these critics object to the excessive and unnecessary top nudity and the like, which I agree with and this explains my somewhat mediocre rating. In other words, the ladies are incredible and this is a really fun beach comedy, but I can't in good conscience recommend it due to the tasteless elements.

The move is short 'n' sweet at 1 hour, 22 minutes, and was shot at Ocean Reef Club, Key Largo, Florida.

GRADE: C+

I knew nothing of this film before I saw it. It was a free "On Demand" film from Comcast. I didn't even know Johnny Depp was in it. I thought the plot description (which was vague) sounded like every other girl-crazy sex comedy released after "Animal House," and I got what I expected.

To be fair this is entertaining. No, it's not a great movie. It's not very well made. It's crude. It's sexist. It's all about sex.

But that's exactly what it's supposed to be. Graded by the standards of its genre, it works.

It's about two kids (one of whom is played by Johnny Depp) who gain access to a private resort in the middle of the Caribbean (presumably). There's no backdrop. We don't even know how they got in to the resort. And they look about 16, so it's odd to see them going after women in their 30s and 40s (sometimes succeeding).

Depp wasn't famous yet (correct me if I'm wrong but this was his first starring role in a film to speak of?) and this certainly didn't help boost his career (he took a considerably smaller role in Oliver Stone's "Platoon" the year after) but he displays charisma and good charm that would carry on into his later movies.

The film's take-it-as-it-is attitude makes it entertaining. It's a simple sex comedy with crude laughs and running gags, a lot of which aren't very funny, a few of which are, almost all of which are at the least amusing.

Worth catching if you see it on cable some time.

Not exactly a historic film, but quite hilarious none the less. A sex comedy that showed a lot of the time and got some laughs. Johnny Depp did very well for being one of his first movies. Very good in general, and i would strongly advise you see it.

First of all, let's get something straight. This is in fact the best spring break comedy of the 80's. However, that means it is the best of the 4 or 5 spring break comedies that came out between 1983-1985, really the only two years of the 1980's that had spring break comedies. Therefore, I'm talking about movies like Spring Break, Where the Boys Are, Hot Resort, and Fraternity Vacation, so which also means this is pretty much just a sex comedy. Of all these, Private Resort is by far and away the best one. It follows two young guys, Depp and Morrow, who are just looking to get laid and in the meantime get in trouble with hotel security, Andrew Dice Clay, and Hector Elizondo before his Chicago Hope days. Also, not to mention the beautiful girls throughout the movie, but what else do you expect? As a result, this is a truly underrated sex comedy, but don't bother to watch it on Comedy Central, because like Casino and Goodfellas, it has to be seen uncut. **+ out of ****

BA,BA,BA, BA-BA-BA-BA-BA......