Private Resort

Private Resort is a wildly hilarious romp through the world of the vacation resort industry.

Johnny Depp shines in one of his earlier acting roles as Jack, a horndog who is out for tail at any price.

(It should be noted to any fan of the Depp that he shows his naked backside in this movie. Not that I enjoyed it or anything...)

This is a must see. Watch for the Jeff Spicolli-like character Mike. He has maybe 3 lines in the movie, but they have stuck with me since I first saw this movie in the seventh grade.

Obviously this isn't a movie to be taken seriously and it may even be arguably offensive to women but I would take 'Private Resort' any day over the supposed 'comedy' flicks that feature the likes of Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan. There isn't much in terms of story. It's pretty much about two young men in their early twenties who go to a private resort to get laid. Meanwhile a jewel thief looks to steal a diamond necklace from a martial arts expert grandmother. It's definitely very silly but highly amusing. There's plenty of slapstick and overall cheesiness but the humour works and it has the right energy. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow's on-screen camaraderie is a delight to watch as they provide the funniest scenes. Both actors have come a long way since and it was fun to see them as their young selves playing horny kids. Hector Elizondo is funny too. There's plenty of nudity to keep the viewer further entertained. It also depicts the 80's fashion (with big puffy hair and funny clothes). Overall, it's a fun little flick that has some nostalgic value.

Released in 1985, "Private Resort" stars Johnny Depp (who was only 21 during filming) and Rob Morrow as two adolescent guests at a Florida resort for the weekend. Their only interest is chasing beach beauties, but fate has much more in store for them.

My title blurb is true: I've never seen such an assortment of bodacious females in any other movie. I'll put it like this: Take any dozen similar-themed movies and I assure that "Private Resort" contains more beautiful women than all of them in just the first half hour.

The top female, by the way, is the one with whom Andrew Dice Clay's character intends to cheat; the one the protagonists try to hide from the girlfriend in the apartment (it's impossible to pinpoint her name in the credits and, besides, I think she's uncredited).

Second place goes to Emily Longstreth, who plays Patti. Speaking of whom, she fell out of acting entirely by the 90s and reportedly fell into substance abuse, mental illness, and living in a homeless shelter in New York City. There's also credible reports that she died in January, 2015 (please correct me, if this isn't true). In any case, she shines here as Rob's potential girlfriend and shows-off her physical beauty in a white bikini in the last act.

Aside from the women, there are a lot of compelling antics, like zany chases in the hotel and butchered haircuts. Despite the boys' obsession with females, the movie drives home the point of landing the right mate, who's beautiful inside and out.

I've heard the movie criticized as misogynistic, but this is laughable in light of the focus on women and the celebration thereof. I suppose these critics object to the excessive and unnecessary top nudity and the like, which I agree with and this explains my somewhat mediocre rating. In other words, the ladies are incredible and this is a really fun beach comedy, but I can't in good conscience recommend it due to the tasteless elements.

The move is short 'n' sweet at 1 hour, 22 minutes, and was shot at Ocean Reef Club, Key Largo, Florida.

GRADE: C+

Take a typical 80's B-comedy, and give the two male leads to two actors who would go on to awards and world fame.

Believe me or not, Depp and Morrow take two stock characters and make the material seem that much better; suddenly Jack and Ben hold the film together, rather than just reacting to everything within a narrow character description. Okay, so it's not art, but it's interesting from a film education perspective, if nothing else.

The script and direction aren't bad either, for a 1980's sex romp. Would have liked to see the director go on to better material. Ah, well.

7/10, for effort and sheer amusement value.

Before Johnny Depp went on to major big screen career and befre Rob Morrrow starred in Northern Exposure on the small screen they starrred together as a pair of horny teens at a Florida resort looking to score. Morrow especially as he's trying to lose his virginity.

This is one fast paced comedy as Depp and Morrow get into ione scrape after another. One od the peole pursuing is Hector Elizondo a jewel thief who is after the diamond ring that Dodie Goodman gas. Dodie is grandmother and chaperone of Emily Longstreth ho Depp has his eye on.

Morrow makes friends with one of the young staff Karyn O'Bryan who is fending off the advances of a really obnoxious server Michael Bowen. Both plotlines intersect with the other many times throughout Private Resort.

A personal connection I had to this film was Tony Azito, tall rubber legged actor who stole the film as the hapless house detective He did some amazing comic pratfalls as just about everyone in the cast gets the better of him.

My connection to Tony Azito stems from my working days at the New York State Crime Victims Board when I visited him at his Greenich Village apartment after he had been hit by a car at Christopher and West Streets in Manhattan. Both legs were broken and I did his claim for unreimbursed medical expenses and loss of earnings. He was a good and gracious soul.

So to you Tony Azito this rview is dedicated.