Andy Griffith credited as playing...
Colonel Ticonderoga
- Colonel Ticonderoga: Let me just ask you one question. There's one thing I'm most curious about. Why bring the body here? My god, this is a home! People live here!
- Jim: Well, Colonel, we didn't know exactly what to do with him.
- Colonel Ticonderoga: Bury him! How 'bout that? Don't you think that's a good idea?
- Jud: Oh, yes sir, yes sir, Colonel!
- Colonel Ticonderoga: I mean, do you think that when somebody dies, they place them permanently on the family couch?
- Jim: No sir.
- Colonel Ticonderoga: Gee whi-iz!
- Colonel Ticonderoga: You missed! How could you miss?
- Jud: Even with these sights we have a target a hundred yards away, maybe more, we've never fired these weapons before, there's a definite wind factor, AND we have a problem with the sun!
- Colonel Ticonderoga: Just shoot, okay?
- Colonel Ticonderoga: Jud, throw another faggot on the fire.
- Jud: A what?
- Colonel Ticonderoga: A log! Throw another log on the fire.
- [henchmen knock on door]
- Colonel Ticonderoga: [in falsetto voice] Who is it?
- Jim: It's a bunch of your men. Five of 'em.
- Colonel Ticonderoga: [clears throat and talks in manly voice] Be right there, men.