Lorca and the Outlaws

This is the third movie I have rented tonight with the word 'Star' in it. However, it isn't 'Star Wars', 'Star Trek', 'The Last STARfighter', or even 'Star Kid.' This movie was made 'down under' and we can expect no less from foreign movies. Like 'Star Crash' before it and 'Star Knight', we have a movie that wants to be so many things we Americans made but simply could not do. And, like everything else, it comes out so dirty it should be condemned in the laundry pile to be burned completely. I'm sorry, folks, this sucked hard.

The back of the box mentioned and stole a few words from the Star Wars common terminology and compared itself to the likes of Blade Runner, which wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. The 'droids' here are simply people with jumpsuits, aluminum guns and creepy Chinese/Buddhist masks - and more often than not, these are midgets. With someone whose name is 'Deep Roy', which is really downright hilarious (especially the name typo - Kid? Grid? Fail.), this is pretty bad. The 'storm troopers' are all poorly designs animatronics which look like something a child did for a science project out of whatever was in a junkyard.

The music goes on to copy, blatantly, the same motifs as Last Starfighter - and blatantly rips most of Luke's battles in Tattooine from the first movie. The villain even looks like Darth Vader! Gah, originality must be pretty hard to find, is it? Jesus Christ on a stick.

None of the movies I have seen so far are recommended. It's a proved fact you'll ignore most of them for private time on the computer or with a loved one rather than pay attention.

I like to watch obsolete/obscure movies, but I must say that this one was not high on my list. Starship is cheesy, corny, etc, but they could have done much better. While I liked the general idea (underground army, post-nuclear holocaust, etc), the approach was, well, limited, to say the least. The Grid/Kid/Digit character was one of the most distracting in the film. Also, hinging the fate of the future on one character seemed to stretch the plot a bit, to put it mildly. There were some positive aspects... but they are hard to find. What I mean to say is that if I myself had a home video camera and a couple of football helmets, I could have made a similar movie. But if you're looking for excitement, or the winner of the "best obsolete film" award, this is not it. Sorry.

When I first saw Starship, I was actually pretty impressed. Sure it's kinda dim and has badly cliche'd characters, but I thought the direction and general style of the film lended itself well to the subject matter. It's fun in a cheezy sort of way, and even vaguely artistic to a certain extent. Where things really go wrong is the inclusion of Deep Roy as "Digit"...the robot companion. Oddly enough, most version of this film have mysteriously dubbed over Digits name and changed it to "Grid." Considering it's low budget, Starship comes off as a more entertaining sci-fi style film than alot of higher budget, straight-to-video drek. Just don't take it too seriously.

I've come up with a drinking game to play while you watch Starship. Here's what you do. Get a bottle of your favorite liquor and a shot glass for everyone who wants to play along. Fill up each shot glass to start off, and then slap Starship in the VCR. The rules are that everyone takes a shot whenever something interesting happens. Suitable for teetotalers. Unused liquor can be deposited back in the bottle utilizing a funnel.

This is the absolute worst kind of movie: a boring one. I watch lots of terrible movies. In the right frame of mind, an onslaught of cheese and surprise 80s dance numbers and mullets can provide a fun evening like nothing else. Battlefield Earth, for instance (and by the same director), is wonderful because it aims for real emotional impact over and over again and achieves not an ounce of it. Starship, on the other hand, might just be aiming to put me to bed early.

Action matters when we care about its outcome. Nothing we give the least little tiny crap about is ever really in jeopardy in Starship, and the one time something terrible happens to a main character it's filmed so poorly we're left for a minute wondering precisely what happened.

This movie's a mess. But not, let me stress, a hilarious mess. It's not an interesting mess. It's not something to get drunk and make fun of. It's not a crappy, crappy, crappy movie; the situation is altogether more dire than that. It's boring.

This movie is pointless...some of my friends and I had a Crappy sci-fi movie party and this was by far the worst. I looked amazing on the package. But it is possibly the most boring thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life...

It made me Physically Ill having to sit though this after ten hours of other horrid Sci-Fi trash such as Abraxas and Star Crash.

There was huge mining trucks...and weird robots wearing football helmets wielding M-16s that I called OJ Simpson robots. But this was just the most lifeless and horrid drivel in the world.

This is actually, the worst movie I have ever seen...no exageration...by far the worst.