Gary Busey credited as playing...
Uncle Red
- Mac: [Showing Uncle Red the Silver Bullet] There it is. Nicest piece of work I ever done, I think. It's got a low-grain load... so it won't tumble. Ought to be pretty accurate.
- Uncle Red: [scoffs] Why, shoot, it's just a gag. I mean, uh, what the heck you gonna shoot a .44 bullet at anyway... made out of silver?
- Mac: How about a werewolf?
- Uncle Red: Holy jumped-up baldheaded Jesus palomino!
- Jane Coslaw: Uncle Red...
- Uncle Red: [to Jane then Marty then Jane again] From him I'd expect it. Sometimes I think your common sense got paralyzed along with your legs. But from you, Jane - you're Miss Polly Practical!
- Jane Coslaw: You don't understand.
- Uncle Red: I understand that my niece and my nephew are sending little love notes to the local minister suggesting he gargle with broken glass or eat a rat-poison omelette!
- Uncle Red: Where's your Mom?
- Marty Coslaw: She and Dad are out back lighting the barbeque, yeah, and Jane's walking around in all these new clothes showing off her tits, acting like no one ever had tits before her.
- Uncle Red: So let me get this straight. This dude killed your best friend, drove your best girl out of town, and made them cancel the fireworks. Am I lying?
- Marty Coslaw: Nope, you're not lying, Uncle Red.
- Uncle Red: Well, I got something in here that just might cheer you up.
- [gestures to the garage]
- Marty Coslaw: [look of surprise] Oh, I can see it?
- Uncle Red: [Marty's about to test his new motor chair Red souped up] You ready? I feel like a virgin on prom night.
- Uncle Red: You wanna know what I think?
- Marty Coslaw: No, we just called you out here to admire your pretty little face.
- Uncle Red: You better watch your mouth, right now. You're on thin ice with me, son.
- Uncle Red: [after Jane and Marty tell him about the werewolf] I'm a little too old to be playing "Hardy Boys meet Reverend Werewolf"!
- Marty Coslaw: You know who used to have a baseball bat like that? Mr. Knopfler.
- Uncle Red: So?
- Jane Coslaw: It looked like Bigfoot had used it for a toothpick!
- Nan Coslaw: [arguing about his drinking in front of Mary] Look, Marty has enough strikes against him...
- Uncle Red: He doesn't have any strikes against him!
- Nan Coslaw: That I'm afraid one day he's just going to give up.
- Uncle Red: He's not going to give up.
- Nan Coslaw: Well, he doesn't need you showing him how to do it!
- Sheriff Joe Haller: That is the craziest goddamn story I have ever heard in my life.
- Uncle Red: I know.
- Sheriff Joe Haller: Do you believe any of this?
- [Uncle Red is silent]
- Sheriff Joe Haller: You do, don't you?
- Uncle Red: Well, let's just say I believe Reverend Lowe ought to be checked out.
- Sheriff Joe Haller: That can be arranged.
- Uncle Red: Thank you, Joe.
- [Get up and leaves]
- Uncle Red: Holy jumped up, bald-headed Jesus, palomina!
- Jane Coslaw: Uncle Red!
- Uncle Red: From him, I'd expect it. Sometimes I think your common sense got paralyzed along with your legs. But from you, Jane? You're Miss Polly Practical.
- Jane Coslaw: You don't understand.
- Uncle Red: I understand that my niece and my nephew are sending little love notes to the local minister, suggesting that he gargle with broken glass. Or eat a rat-poison omelet.
- Marty Coslaw: It came for me. I shot it in the eye. Now he's wearing an eye patch.
- Uncle Red: I wish I had a tape recorder so you could hear what you sound like.
- Marty Coslaw: What about the baseball bat Jane saw in the shed?
- Uncle Red: What about it?
- Marty Coslaw: You know who used to have a baseball bat like that? Mr. Knopfler.
- Uncle Red: So?
- Jane Coslaw: It looked like Bigfoot had used it for a toothpick.
- Uncle Red: You want to know what I think?
- Marty Coslaw: No. We just called you out here to admire your pretty little face.
- Uncle Red: You better watch your mouth right now. You're on thin ice with me, son. I think you had a hallucination. I think it was probably a broomstick or something.
- Jane Coslaw: It was not! You want me to show it to you? Come on, I'm not afraid. I'll show it to you right now!
- Uncle Red: No, no, no, no, no. I'm a little too old to be playing "The Hardy Boys meet Reverend Werewolf."
- Marty Coslaw: Okay, forget it.
- Uncle Red: Jesus. Yeah, forget it. Forget it. Werewolves.
- Marty Coslaw: Probably have gotten rid of it by now, anyway.
- Uncle Red: This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Just forget it! It's crazy!
- [They're in a car outside Reverend Lowe's chapel]
- Uncle Red: You see your suspect yet, Marty?
- Marty Coslaw: Yes, I see him.
- Uncle Red: Are you trying to tell me that a man who took a rocket in the eye three nights ago is out here painting a thermometer? He'd either be in the hospital or he would be dead!
- Marty Coslaw: I didn't shoot him when he was a man. I shot him when he was...
- Uncle Red: What, a werewolf? Oh, Jesus. Jane, you don't believe this madness, do you?
- Jane Coslaw: I don't know exactly what I believe, but I know that what I saw was a baseball bat, and not a broomstick. And I know there was something strange about the way the garage smelt that day. It smelt like an animal's den. And I believe in Marty. You used to believe in him, too, Uncle Red.
- Uncle Red: Kids.
- Uncle Red: You mean to tell me you shot him in the eye three nights ago and now he's outside painting a sign? He'd either be dead or in the hospital.
- Uncle Red: Guess they better get that guy.
- Marty Coslaw: Uncle Red?
- Uncle Red: Yo.
- Marty Coslaw: What if it's not a guy?
- Uncle Red: What do you mean?
- Marty Coslaw: Well, what if it's some kind of monster?
- Uncle Red: [laughs] Yeah. What if it's some kind of monster?
- Marty Coslaw: You know, like a werewolf or something.
- Uncle Red: [laughs] That's a good one. Yeah.
- [They arrive at the house]
- Uncle Red: Here we go.
- Marty Coslaw: You know, Tammy told me she'd been hearing noises in the greenhouse. Growling noises. Her father was killed that night.
- Uncle Red: Listen, Marty, you have got to get this idea out of your head. Psychotics are more active when the moon is full. And this guy's a psycho. When they catch him, you're gonna find out he's just as human as you and me.
- Uncle Red: I tell you I'm gonna open up a reptile farm. Get me a road sign out. That would be some kind of barbecue! Here we go. Oh!
- [Take out a bag from the trunk of his car to give to Marty]
- Uncle Red: Now, I said I had something for you. As I believe you do recall.
- Marty Coslaw: Yeah. What is it?
- Uncle Red: You're gonna have 4th of July, but you're gonna have it in September.
- [Takes fireworks out of the bag]
- Uncle Red: Now, remember, it isn't just the fireworks. It's so no crazy shithead can stop the good guys. If you can dig that...
- Marty Coslaw: Yeah, I can dig.
- Uncle Red: Now, stay near the house.
- Marty Coslaw: Yeah, sure.
- Uncle Red: Okay.
- [pulls had a rocket firework]
- Uncle Red: Save this for last. It's a rocket. You'll like it.
- Marty Coslaw: Thanks a million, Uncle Red.
- Uncle Red: You're welcome a million, Marty. And stick 'em in the bushes for right now, okay?
- Marty Coslaw: All right.
- Uncle Red: Now, remember. Stay near the house, okay?
- Marty Coslaw: Promise.
- Uncle Red: Okay.
- Marty Coslaw: All right.
- Uncle Red: That's good. I want you to have a good time.
- Marty Coslaw: Thanks a lot, Uncle Red.
- Uncle Red: Watch out for the werewolf.
- Marty Coslaw: Good-bye.
- [Uncle Red howls as he drives off]
- Uncle Red: [picks up phone] Oh, shit. Hello?
- Marty Coslaw: Uncle Red, it's me, Marty. I saw the werewolf last night.
- Uncle Red: Oh, Marty.
- Marty Coslaw: I saw the werewolf!
- Uncle Red: Hey, buddy you had a bad dream.
- Marty Coslaw: It wasn't a dream, Uncle Red. I saw the werewolf with the firecracker. He was there!
- Uncle Red: There are no such things as werewolves.
- Marty Coslaw: There is. I saw it! Uncle Red, it was a werewolf!
- Uncle Red: Have some pity on your poor uncle, okay?
- Uncle Red: Uncle Red, I saw...
- [Uncle Red hangs up]
- Uncle Red's Girl: Jesus.
- Uncle Red: What?
- Uncle Red's Girl: Who was that?
- Uncle Red: Obscene phone call.