Benji Gregory credited as playing...
- Brian: Do you get Sesame Street where you live?
- ALF: No, and frankly I don't get it here either.
- Brian: You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.
- ALF: All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.
- [the Tanners help ALF becoming a minister. They are asking him questions from Melmac's holy book]
- Brian: What's is the kindest thing that you can do for someone else?
- ALF: Burp down wind.
- Willie: He's right. It says, "He who burps down wind can party with me any time."
- ALF: All right. Let me see if I've got this reindeer thing straight. There's... uh... there's Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid... Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
- Lynn: No, it's Prancer, Dancer, Vixen, Blitzen...
- ALF: Huey, Duey and Luey.
- Brian: No, those are ducks.
- ALF: Then how do they pull the sleigh?
- [the Tanners are preparing for a garage sale]
- ALF: How about this? A genuine, Melmacian, survival knife.
- Brian: There's no blade.
- ALF: Well, life on Melmac wasn't that tough.
- ALF: Hey, what's going on in here?
- Willie: We're having a family meeting.
- ALF: Oh I get it, freeze out the alien. I guess I'm not part of the family.
- Kate: Uh ALF, we thought you were watching The 3 Stooges.
- ALF: I turned it off. Somehow I just can't buy Shemp as a surgeon.
- Brian: Curly was a senator once.
- ALF: True, and Moe was Speaker of the House.
- Willie: Could we put an end to the Stooge talk here for a minute?
- ALF: Sootaintly, whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo, ha ha ha.
- Brian: ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?
- ALF: I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney.
- Brian: Your name's really Gordon?
- ALF: Yeah, Gordon.
- Brian: That's funny.
- ALF: It was my mother's maiden name, all right?
