Joel Murray credited as playing...
George Calamari
- [Reading the obituaries]
- George Calamari: Hey, Hoops, you ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?
- [while holding up a doll that had its head torn off]
- Ack Ack Raymond: Do you realize that for every lost doll there's a little girl with a broken heart.
- George Calamari: Are you sure you want to be a Marine Acky? I just can't see you having a killer instinct.
- Hoops McCann: Will you watch where you're going! We're heading for the docks!
- George Calamari: We've gotta make the boat!
- Hoops McCann: Boat? What boat?
- George Calamari: What, did you think we were driving to Nantucket? Come on, it's an island!
- Hoops McCann: You never mentioned any boats! I hate boats! I'm not getting on any boat!
- George Calamari: I beg to differ!
- George Calamari: Every year he tries to win that competition, and every year he loses a little more of his mind.