Phil Hartman credited as playing...
Air Conditioner • Hanging Lamp
- Air Conditioner: You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't you?
- Blanky: Yes. He was our master.
- Air Conditioner: Well, that's real nice, and any day now, he might come romping back, huh? He'll just come whistling through that door, and everything will be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
- Blanky: Uh-huh.
- Lampy: It's a possibility.
- Toaster: Well, at least we try to be optimistic.
- Air Conditioner: [shouts] Optimistic? Somebody try to untie the knot in this guy's cord!
- Kirby: Why don't you just shut off?
- Air Conditioner: Hey, I'm really scared there, Kirby. What are you going to do, suck me to death?
- Air Conditioner: So... It's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you move around, you think you're better than I am. I'm not an invalid. I was designed to stick in the wall! I like being stuck in the stupid wall! I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials...
- [Begins to spark and fizzle furiously]
- Toaster: We didn't mean it. Really!
- Air Conditioner: [bellows] IT'S MY FUNCTION!
- [continues sparking and fizzing and glowing]
- Toaster: No, wait. Wait!
- Kirby: He's gonna blow!
- Toaster: Quick, yank your plugs!
- [the appliances all unplug themselves just as Air Conditioner blows up]
- Blanky: Poor Air Conditioner.
- Toaster: I didn't think he'd take it so hard.
- Kirby: Ah, he was a jerk anyway.
- Toaster: Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
- Air Conditioner: That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawling like a baby anytime now.
- Toaster: I think you're jealous.
- Air Conditioner: Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
- Lampy: Dim?
- Toaster: Yeah, because the master never played with you.
- Kirby: Because you're stuck in a wall!
- Air Conditioner: What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line! Now get this through your chrome. We've been dumped! Abandoned!
- Blanky: But he loved us.
- The Radio: That's right.
- Air Conditioner: So what? He's a kid. He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a packaged deal.
- Toaster: But maybe they're...
- Air Conditioner: He's not coming back! Pure and simple!
- Kirby: Oh yeah? Did you talk to him recently or something? They could drive up any second!
- Blanky: You really think so?
- Kirby: I'm not talking to you!
- Air Conditioner: The whole bunch of you gotta have a combined wattage of maybe five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap metal time.
- Toaster: What are you laughing at?
- Air Conditioner: Absolutely nothing, nothing at all.
- Lampy: I think he was laughing at us.
- Air Conditioner: You know something? You're a bright little lamp.
- Lampy: Thanks... Hey!
- Air Conditioner: What is it with you guys anyway? You act like you just got off the assembly line. Now get this through your chrome: we've been dumped! Abandoned!
- Blanky: But he loved us.
- The Radio: That's right.
- Air Conditioner: So what? He's a kid. He's a kid. He's got a family. They move away, HE moves away. It's a packaged deal.
- Toaster: But maybe, they're all...
- Air Conditioner: He's not coming back! PURE AND SIMPLE!
- Kirby: Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or something? They could drive up any second.
- Blanky: [hopeful] You really think so?
- Kirby: [to Blanky] I'm not talking to YOU!
- Air Conditioner: The bunch of you have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
- Toaster: Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
- Air Conditioner: [sarcastic] That's real touching, Toaster. You're going to get me balling like a baby anytime now.
- Toaster: I think you're jealous.
- Air Conditioner: Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of *dimwits.*
- Lampy: *Dim?*
- Toaster: Yeah! Because the master never played with *you!*
- Kirby: 'Cause you're *stuck in the wall!*
- [Air Conditioner violently blows air at the group, creating cold winds]
- Kirby: [He stops blowing air, and speaks again. It's going to get ugly]
- Air Conditioner: So... It's back to THAT stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy... And every ONE of you low watts is in on it. Just 'cause you can move around, you're better than I am.
- [It gets more windy in the room. He's losing it]
- Air Conditioner: I'm not an invalid, I was *designed* to stick in a wall!
- [Banging the sides of the window]
- Air Conditioner: I can't help it that the kid was too short to reach my dials!
- [Sparks are emitting from him]
- Toaster: [trying to make him stop] We didn't mean it! Really!
- [More sparks fly]
- Toaster: [Air Conditioner turns orange and shakes violently]
- Air Conditioner: It's! My! *FUNCTION!*