Ghost Fever

GHOST FEVER is possibly one of the greatest bad movies ever made. MADE might be too strong of a word - regurgitated and somewhat spliced together in an editing bay is maybe more apropos. Hemsley had a lot of faith in this Ghostbusters-like rip-off and it tanked big time and messy lawsuits followed btwn Hemsley and the producers. The director, Lee Madden was so aghast at the finished product he took his name off and they slapped on the infamous Alan Smithee credit. The script is credited to three hacks and the script is truly awful. Terrible. Sucky. Not one good joke. Plenty of groin and crotch humor and a truly offensive scene where they find machines in the basement of a Southern mansion that were used on slaves. One of the machines (which of course Hemsley gets trapped in) has two large hammers coming down close to the person's groin while a device is twirled into their backside (supposedly to give them rhythm!!!) Yikes. Oddly though Hemsley seems to turn over lots of the movie to his co-star Luis Avalos and Avalos gives one of the worst "comedic" performances ever captured on film. His double takes fail, his funny faces, his "fear" of the ghosts, his physical comedy - all of it fails. Yet, because the movie is jawdroppingly incompetent, it is cruelly enjoyable. You keep getting shocked by another terrible set piece. Like when a mummy appears wearing shades a bow-tie and a top hat and proceeds to BREAK DANCE. Then Hemsley and Avalos do a dance number and then when you are begging the movie to end there is a looooong boxing scene where Avalos boxes Smokin Joe Frazier (this scene goes on and on and has not one funny moment). A true cinematic nightmare. Seek it out if you DARE!!!

I LOVE THIS FILM!! This movie has everything: A breakdancing ghost, Hemsley in a dual role, Luis Avalos in a hot tub with a sexy ghost. The plot is fairly simple. Avalos and Hemsley (Who swears a lot for a PG film) must investigate a mansion haunted by a ghost of a plantation owner who is also a vampire who runs a zombie factory. Made in 1987, feels like 1982, but don't let that discourage you. It gets a little slow when it turns into a boxing film, but the SHOCKING ending will have you wondering if this was ever meant for kids. Rent it. Buy it. request your local Art House theater to show it on your birthday.

Especially if you love horrible movies. When I first started watching it, all I could say was "I hope there's a dance sequence in it." Imagine my delight when not ONLY did the two main characters dance, but the main ghost began break dancing as well. AND on top of THAT, Sherman Hemsley sings the break dance song (not to mention the theme song). It makes me a little sad that he went broke because of this movie, but I've never liked him as an actor and he really should have known better. Not even the director would take credit for this movie (and you should check out some of the other films he directed!).

One note of warning, though, the writer seemed to really like jokes about the, um, male lower regions. For example, one of the characters discovers a book called "Groins of the Darker Species." I am not kidding. And that, to me, is the most disturbing part of the film. Other than that, find the most obscure video rental store in your town, get the movie, invite all your friends over, and laugh until you cry with Ghost Fever.

I was telling a friend of mine about the time my grandfather actually picked this horrible piece of crap for us to see one night at the theater. He never picked another one again! It was that bad! Anyway, my friend then told me that her father did some of the writing for this garbage. I thought she was kidding. It turns out, she was serious. She had never actually seen it, and she said that it put a quick halt to her father's writing career. I told her not to waste her time. But, if she did actually break down and watch it, she would see within the fist minute why this ended her father's days as a writer. I mean, even for the 1980's, this crap is bad beyond description. I mean, Joe Frazier as Terrible Tucker? And why in the world would two cops care one bit about a house full of ghosts? And the movie poster? A ghost with his tongue hanging out? What is that about? Nothing about this makes any sense. Well, I told my friend that this crap not only ended her father's writing career, it ended the careers of everybody involved. Or, at least none of them ever fully recovered from being in this garbage of a movie. Let's just say that I will forever ridicule my friend for revealing to me that her father was a writer for this movie! That alone should tell just how bad this is!

Sometimes a film can be so bad, it's totally enjoyable. God bless the abstraction of a director, Alan Smithee. The real director of the film "Ghost Fever", Lee Madden was too ashamed to take credit for this disasterpiece. It is a celebration in all that is bad in movies, but when it was on rotation in 1999, I couldn't take my pre-teen eyes off of it! There was an appealing creepiness about how truly awful the movie is. I've been waiting for it to air since, but I haven't been able to experience the wonder of a film so bad I ponder how it was ever produced.

Sherman Helmsley keeps his head up through it all. You have to respect a man that gives it all in a film he must have known was a complete mess. His comedic performance is nothing new, but he is a good guide through a tangled web of a story that becomes completely lost in horrible direction. Look for the Mummy scene. It is a genuinely disturbing image that was supposed to be played for laughs.

My question is, why didn't this movie have a cult following? Am I the only person on Earth who loves this messy treat?