Dustin Hoffman: Chuck Clarke

Ishtar

Chuck Clarke

Chuck Clarke: l lived with my parents till l was 32. l've just dribbled my life away.
Lyle Rogers: Hey, it takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don't you understand that? Most guys'd be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say 'to hell with it'. You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less. Understand?

Chuck Clarke: [singing] I feel so small when I look at the stars. How big is Venus?
Lyle Rogers: [singing] How big is Mars?
Chuck Clarke: I feel so small when I look at the sky. How big is HEAVEEEEN?
Lyle Rogers: How big am I?
Army Man: Applaud!
[Army table goes nuts]

Chuck Clarke: So what are you doing here, Jim?
Jim Harrison: I'm with the CIA.
Chuck Clarke: Interesting work?
Jim Harrison: lt's okay. lt's a little rough right now because the Communists are trying to instigate a coup against the Emir and take over lshtar.
Chuck Clarke: Why?
Jim Harrison: That's how it works. Today they get lshtar, tomorrow they get North Africa.
Chuck Clarke: Why?
Jim Harrison: That's how it works.

Chuck Clarke: l feel like this is a very special part of the evening. A couple of years ago, there was a very young grey-haired couple here celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary. And last year, they came back - for their 52nd wedding anniversary. And l told them that if they came back here the following year, l'd have a song written for them. And they're back. Mr. and Mrs. Charles Thomopoulos celebrating this evening their 53rd wedding anniversary.
[singing]
Chuck Clarke: I promised I'd love you forever, A promise I'm planning to keep, You'll be well taken care of, After I've gone, Off to the land of the big sleep, I'm leaving some love in my will, Yes, I'm leaving some love in my will, My life is nearly over, And time goes by so fast, So I'm going to give you a present, to thank you for the past...

Chuck Clarke: Take one sip at a time. That water has to last you about another 48 minutes.
Lyle Rogers: Why, what happens then?
Chuck Clarke: We run out of water.

Chuck Clarke: I see her standing in the backyard of my mind, she cracks her knuckles and the scab that's on her knee won't go away. I see the woman waiting in her eyes and I can see the love but I can't see the Brooklyn Dodgers in LA.

Lyle Rogers, Chuck Clarke: [singing] Telling the truth can be dangerous business; / Honest and popular don't go hand in hand. / If you admit that you play the accordion, / No one will hire you in a rock 'n' roll band. / But we can sing out hearts out. / And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain. / Because life is the way we audition for God; / Let us pray that we all get the job.

Chuck Clarke: [Chuck and Lyle are songwriting at the bar after closing time] Can't we just have half an hour?
Bartender: Half an hour? Half an hour like the last half hour?
Chuck Clarke: [to Lyle] Hey, how about, how about "Give me half an hour like the last half hour"
Lyle Rogers: [Playing furiously] Give me half an hour!
Chuck Clarke: Like the last half-hour!
Lyle Rogers: Give me half an hour!
Chuck Clarke: Like the last half-hour!

Lyle Rogers: You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you.
Chuck Clarke: You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife.
Lyle Rogers: Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you -...
Chuck Clarke: Oh, you so idealize me!

Chuck Clarke: [Chuck and Lyle are writing a song] Shit man, when you're on you're on.

Chuck Clarke: [Reading a note passed by the waiter] Oh my God, this guy's a songwriter and he liked my song! He wants to buy me a drink!