Danny Glover credited as playing...
Roger Murtaugh
- Martin Riggs: Hey, look friend, let's just cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.
- Roger Murtaugh: Guess what?
- Martin Riggs: What?
- Roger Murtaugh: I don't want to work with you!
- Martin Riggs: Hey, don't.
- Roger Murtaugh: Ain't got no choice! Looks like we both been fucked!
- Martin Riggs: Terrific.
- Roger Murtaugh: God hates me. That's what it is.
- Martin Riggs: Hate him back; it works for me.
- Roger Murtaugh: Hey, Riggs.
- Martin Riggs: Yo!
- Roger Murtaugh: Riggs, if you think I'm gonna eat the world's lousiest Christmas turkey by myself, you're crazy.
- Martin Riggs: Well, I got news for you, Rog: I'm not crazy.
- Roger Murtaugh: I know.
- Martin Riggs: Well, good. Let's eat.
- [after stopping Riggs from shooting himself]
- Roger Murtaugh: You're not trying to draw a psycho pension! You really are crazy!
- Roger Murtaugh: What do you do, sleep with that thing under your pillow?
- Martin Riggs: I would if I slept.
- Roger Murtaugh: Okay, clown, no bullshit! You wanna kill yourself?
- Martin Riggs: Oh, for Chriss-...
- Roger Murtaugh: Shut up! Yes or no - you wanna die?
- Martin Riggs: Oh, I got the job done! What the hell do you want?
- Roger Murtaugh: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
- Martin Riggs: Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin' a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don't do it? The job! Doin' the job! Now that's the reason!
- Roger Murtaugh: [discussing a theory] That's pretty fucking thin.
- Martin Riggs: That's very thin.
- Roger Murtaugh: What the hell, thin's my middle name.
- Martin Riggs: Your wife's cooking, I'm not surprised.
- [fires his gun several more times]
- Roger Murtaugh: What? What?
- Martin Riggs: Nothin'.
- Roger Murtaugh: Remarks like that will not get you invited to Christmas dinner.
- Martin Riggs: My luck's changing for the better every day.
- Sergeant McCaskey: You know, Roger, you are way behind the times. The guys of the 80s aren't tough. They are sensitive people. Show a little emotion to a woman and shit like that. I think I'm an '80s man...
- Roger Murtaugh: How do you figure?
- Sergeant McCaskey: Last night I cried in bed. So how is that?
- Roger Murtaugh: Were you with a woman?
- Sergeant McCaskey: I was alone. Why do you think I cried?
- Roger Murtaugh: Sounds like an '80s man to me...
- Martin Riggs: You want me to drive?
- Roger Murtaugh: No, you're supposed to be suicidal, remember? I'LL drive.
- Martin Riggs: Anybody who drives around in this town IS suicidal.
- Martin Riggs: I do it real good, you know.
- Roger Murtaugh: Do what?
- Martin Riggs: When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. It's the only thing I was ever good at. Well, see ya tomorrow.
- Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, see you.
- [pauses]
- Roger Murtaugh: Hey Riggs! You really like my wife's cooking?
- Martin Riggs: [fixing him] No. See you tomorrow.
- Roger Murtaugh: Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
- Martin Riggs: Well, I haven't killed you yet.
- Martin Riggs: You know they're going to kill her, don't you?
- Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
- Martin Riggs: So if you want her back, you're going to have to take her away from them.
- Roger Murtaugh: I know.
- Martin Riggs: You do this my way. You shoot, you shoot to kill, get as many of them as you can. All you got to do is just not miss.
- Roger Murtaugh: I won't miss.
- Martin Riggs: We're going to get bloody on this one, Rog.
- Roger Murtaugh: Are you really crazy? Or are you as good as you say you are?
- Martin Riggs: You're just gonna have to trust me.
- Martin Riggs: The guy who shot me! The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker.
- Roger Murtaugh: You sure?
- Martin Riggs: Yeah, I'm sure man. I never forget an asshole.
- Roger Murtaugh: Listen, sorry about all that shit I was in your face about earlier... you saved my life. Thank you.
- Martin Riggs: Oh, I'll bet that hurt to say.
- Roger Murtaugh: [chuckles] You'll never know.
- Martin Riggs: You don't trust me at all, do you?
- Roger Murtaugh: Well, I'll tell you what. You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you.
- Martin Riggs: Fair enough.
- Roger Murtaugh: See how easy that was? Boom, still alive. Now we question him. You know why we question him? Because I got him in the leg. I didn't shoot him full of holes or try to jump off a building with him.
- Martin Riggs: Hey, that's no fair. The building guy lived.
- Roger Murtaugh: 50 years old, what a birthday, goddamn 50 years old, been on the force 20 years, not a scratch on me, not a scar, got a wife, kids, a house, a fishing boat, but I can kiss all that goodbye because my new partner has a death wish, my fucking life is over
- Martin Riggs: [looks at Roger] I was...
- Roger Murtaugh: Just shut up you hear, why are you talking to me anyway, I'm a dead man, yeah fuck it, you're looking a dead man here
- [oncoming traffic honks at them and swerve to get out of the way]
- Martin Riggs: [points at oncoming traffic] watch, watch, WATCH...
- Roger Murtaugh: Don't worry, I was driving before you were itching in your daddy's pants
- [Riggs is having doubts]
- Roger Murtaugh: Why is there a problem?
- Martin Riggs: There's no problem.
- Roger Murtaugh: We got one dead girl and one dead guy. The dead guy kills the dead girl, we kill the dead guy 'cause he wanted us to be dead guys - it's pretty easy to me.