Corey Haim credited as playing...
Sam
- Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night, Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire, Michael! My own brother, a damn, blood-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!
- Alan Frog: We don't ride with vampires.
- Sam Emerson: Fine, stay here.
- Edgar Frog: [Looks around, clearly scared] We do now.
- Alan Frog: Yeah.
- Sam Emerson: Wait, wait. You have a TV?
- Grandpa: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.
- Sam Emerson: [about Star] It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?
- Star: I have to talk to you. Can I come up?
- Michael Emerson: [to Star] No!
- [to Sam]
- Michael Emerson: You shut the window and lock your door.
- Sam Emerson: [Star floats up] She's one of them! And don't tell me, it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike!
- Sam Emerson: You're a vampire! I knew it!
- Michael Emerson: I am not!
- Sam Emerson: So what are you? The Flying Nun?
- Max: Let this be a lesson to you, you silly little boy: Never ever invite a vampire into your house. And why? Because it renders you powerless.
- Sam Emerson: Did you know that?
- Edgar Frog: Of course. Everyone knows that. Why else would we be here?
- Grandpa: Hey, anything around here that might pass for aftershave?
- Sam Emerson: How about some Windex, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Yeah, yeah, let me try some of that.
- Michael Emerson: You have a big date tonight, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: I'm going to drop my handiwork by the widow Johnson.
- Michael Emerson: What'd ya stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
- Edgar Frog: [the Frog Brothers walk in the room, carrying loads of stakes. To Sam] Okay, where's Count Dracula?
- Sam Emerson: Who?
- Edgar Frog: Nosferatu. The prince of darkness.
- Alan Frog: The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
- Edgar Frog: El Vampiro.
- Sam Emerson: Mike! They're here!
- Edgar Frog: Listen! Just so you know, if you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way, then I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it, and that is something you do not want!
- Sam Emerson: Chill out, Edgar.
- Edgar Frog: [coming to his senses] Yeah. Come on!
- [about Grandpa]
- Michael Emerson: Looks like he's dead!
- Sam Emerson: If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix?
- Edgar Frog: You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot?
- Sam Emerson: Yeah, all day.
- Alan Frog: Does the sunlight freak him out?
- Sam Emerson: Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house.
- Edgar Frog: Bad breath, long fingernails?
- Sam Emerson: Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer, um, he always had bad breath, though.
- Alan Frog: He's a vampire all right.
- Edgar Frog: All right, here's what you do: get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart.
- Sam Emerson: I can't do that; he's my brother.
- Alan Frog: OK, we'll come over and do it for you.
- Sam Emerson: No!
- Edgar Frog: You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral.
- Edgar Frog: Listen, buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar, it went out of business last summer.
- Sam Emerson: Actually, I'm looking for a copy of "Batman" issue #14.
- Edgar Frog: That's a very serious book, man.
- Alan Frog: Only five in existence.
- Sam Emerson: Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three.
- Sam Emerson: So where're we going?
- Michael Emerson: Nowhere.
- Sam Emerson: So what's the rush? You're chasing that girl aren't you? Come on, admit it. I'm at the mercy of your sex glands, bud.
- Sam Emerson: And then his dog started chasing my mom like the hounds of hell in "Vampires Everywhere."
- Edgar Frog: We've been aware there's some very serious vampire activity in this town for some time.
- Alan Frog: Santa Carla's become a haven for the undead.
- Edgar Frog: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at city hall.
- Alan Frog: Kill your brother, you'll feel better.
- Sam Emerson: I bet you hate garlic, dontcha!
- Max: No, I like garlic! It's just a little much! It's raw garlic.
- Lucy Emerson: You got carried away by a comic book?
- Sam Emerson: It was a scary comic, mom. I'm sorry.
- Sam Emerson: Got a problem, guys?
- Edgar Frog: Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.
- Sam Emerson: Pretty cool, huh?
- Alan Frog: For a fashion victim.