Jamison Newlander credited as playing...
Alan Frog
- Alan Frog: We don't ride with vampires.
- Sam Emerson: Fine, stay here.
- Edgar Frog: [Looks around, clearly scared] We do now.
- Alan Frog: Yeah.
- Alan Frog: [after Laddie vamps out] Holy smoke! It's the attack of Eddie Munster!
- Edgar Frog: Get him! Kill him now!
- [the Frog Brothers and Sam chase after Laddie, but Star, who was hiding in the closet, stops them]
- Star: [shields Laddie] Stop! Get away from him! You just stay away from him!
- Alan Frog: Have you gone crazy?
- Edgar Frog: He's a vampire, and that makes him even more dangerous!
- Star: [still shielding Laddie] HE'S NOT A VAMPIRE, DAMMIT! He's just a little boy.
- Edgar Frog: [the Frog Brothers walk in the room, carrying loads of stakes. To Sam] Okay, where's Count Dracula?
- Sam Emerson: Who?
- Edgar Frog: Nosferatu. The prince of darkness.
- Alan Frog: The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
- Edgar Frog: El Vampiro.
- Sam Emerson: Mike! They're here!
- Edgar Frog: You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot?
- Sam Emerson: Yeah, all day.
- Alan Frog: Does the sunlight freak him out?
- Sam Emerson: Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house.
- Edgar Frog: Bad breath, long fingernails?
- Sam Emerson: Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer, um, he always had bad breath, though.
- Alan Frog: He's a vampire all right.
- Edgar Frog: All right, here's what you do: get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart.
- Sam Emerson: I can't do that; he's my brother.
- Alan Frog: OK, we'll come over and do it for you.
- Sam Emerson: No!
- Edgar Frog: You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral.
- Edgar Frog: Listen, buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar, it went out of business last summer.
- Sam Emerson: Actually, I'm looking for a copy of "Batman" issue #14.
- Edgar Frog: That's a very serious book, man.
- Alan Frog: Only five in existence.
- Sam Emerson: Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three.
- Sam Emerson: And then his dog started chasing my mom like the hounds of hell in "Vampires Everywhere."
- Edgar Frog: We've been aware there's some very serious vampire activity in this town for some time.
- Alan Frog: Santa Carla's become a haven for the undead.
- Edgar Frog: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at city hall.
- Alan Frog: Kill your brother, you'll feel better.
- Alan Frog: We blew it, man, we lost it!
- Edgar Frog: Shut up!
- Alan Frog: We unraveled in the face of the enemy!
- Edgar Frog: It's not our fault, they pulled a mind scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked!
- Sam Emerson: Got a problem, guys?
- Edgar Frog: Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.
- Sam Emerson: Pretty cool, huh?
- Alan Frog: For a fashion victim.
- Alan Frog: There's our number on the back. And pray you never need to call us.
- Sam Emerson: I'll pray I never need to call you.
- Alan Frog: First come, first staked.
- Sam Emerson: What was that? A little vampire humor? Well, it wasn't funny!
- Alan Frog: Aaaaaah! Flies!
- Edgar Frog: We're on the right trail. Flies and the undead go together like bullets and guns. Come on.
- Alan Frog: Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet?
- Sam Emerson: No, it's actually a pretty cool place... if you're a Martian.
- Edgar Frog: Or a vampire.
- Sam Emerson: You guys sniffing on newsprint or something?
- Edgar Frog: You think you really know what's happening here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know a lot, buddy.
- Alan Frog: Yeah. You think we just work at a comic book store for our folks, huh?
- Sam Emerson: Actually, I thought it was a bakery.
- Edgar Frog: This is just our cover; we're dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters in a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way.
- Edgar Frog: Are you OK?
- Sam Emerson: I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow.
- Alan Frog: All right, Sambo!
- Edgar Frog: We trashed the one that looks like Twisted Sister.
- Alan Frog: We totally annihilated his night-stalking guts!
- Edgar Frog: Well, Nanook helped a little.
- [Laddie, now a vampire, is hiding underneath Sam's bed]
- Sam Emerson: [to Nanook] Good for Nanook!
- Alan Frog: Death to all vampires!
- Edgar Frog: Maximum body count. We are awesome monster bashers.
- Alan Frog: The meanest!
- Edgar Frog: The baddest!
- Sam Emerson: [meets the frog brothers] Got a problem, guys?
- Edgar Frog: Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.
- Sam Emerson: Pretty cool, huh?
- Alan Frog: For a fashion victim.
- Edgar Frog: Listen buddy, if you're looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar went out of business last summer.
- Sam Emerson: Actually, I'm looking for a copy of Batman issue #14.
- Edgar Frog: That's a very serious book man.
- Alan Frog: Only five in existence.
- Sam Emerson: Four, actually. I'm always looking out for the other three. Look, you can't put the Superman #77's with the 200's. They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet. And you uh . You can't put the 98s with the 300s. Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced
- Edgar Frog: Where the hell are you from? Krypton?
- Sam Emerson: Phoenix, actually. But lucky me, we moved... here.
- Edgar Frog: [gives Sam a vampire comic] Take this.
- Sam Emerson: I don't like horror comics.
- Edgar Frog: You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix. It could save your life.
- Alan Frog: Well, you passed the tests. You won!
- Max: Let this be a lesson to you, you silly little boy: never ever invite a vampire into your house. And why! Because it renders you powerless.
- Sam Emerson: [to Edgar] Did you know that?
- Edgar Frog: [beat] Of course. Everyone knows that. Why else would we be here?