Brian Price credited as playing...
Travis
- Dean Proffitt: They're making out their Christmas lists
- Annie: Oh, already?
- Travis Proffitt: How do you spell "Porsche"?
- Dean Proffitt: Well, they got me thinkin' though: what can I possibly give you ever that you don't already have?
- Annie: [long pause as she thinks] A little girl.
- Dean Proffitt: Hey hey hey, guys, look who's home!
- Greg Proffitt: Hi Mom!
- Travis Proffitt: Hi Mom!
- Charlie Proffitt: [in a raspy voice] Hi Mom!
- Greg Proffitt: [pretending to cry] Gee Mom, we really missed you, we're so glad you're baaaaaack!
- [Dean sticks his hand out to tell the boys to stop the dramatics]
- Annie: They aren't mine...
- Dean Proffitt: Oh I was sure you'd remember them!
- Annie: I think I'd remember if I had 3 children...
- Dean Proffitt: Four, honey, don't forget little Joe!
- [Joe sticks his head out the window and waves; Annie faints after believing she had four sons with Dean]
- Annie: Joey, don't, honey. Don't, don't get that near your eyes, sweetie. Look, I want you to read this; you see what it says? "Don't get near your eyes". Read on.
- [Joey looks at the bottle for a few seconds, then tosses it aside and goes to bed]
- Annie: What's this all about?
- Charlie Proffitt: He's embarrassed 'cause he doesn't know how to read.
- Annie: Well, he's a small child.
- Travis Proffitt: He can't read for a small child, either.
- Greg Proffitt: The teacher makes fun of him.
- Dean Proffitt: [home from work] Hey guys, what's going on?
- Greg Proffitt: [stops playing piano] I got the part of Tiny Tim in the school play!
- Charlie Proffitt: [looks up from homework] I got an A in English!
- Travis Proffitt: [looks up from homework] I'm flunking math.
- Dean Proffitt: Yeah well we'll work on the math after dinner.
- Annie: [teaching Joey to read with comic books] You're just in time, Dr. Death's on the rampage.
- Travis Proffitt: [Dean knocks on the boys' clubhouse door] Who is it?
- Dean Proffitt: Doctor Death, let's go!
- Travis Proffitt: We're gonna go get her!
- Dean Proffitt: Come on guys! Billy's friends are gonna help us!
- Dean Proffitt: What's going on here?
- Charlie Proffitt: We're gonna get Mom back.
- Joey Proffitt: We miss her.
- Greg Proffitt: Yeah, she cut the crust off the bread.
- Travis Proffitt: She doesn't take any of my shit either, I need discipline.
- Greg Proffitt: We've got three dollars and four cents.
- Charlie Proffitt: Yeah, we're gonna go rent a fishing boat and we're gonna get her back.
- Dean Proffitt: Well no fishing boat's going to catch a yacht, especially at that price.
- Greg Proffitt: Maybe she'll change her mind and come back.
- Travis Proffitt: Oh right, doofus, she's on a yacht heading to New York!
- Joey Proffitt: This is a job for Dr. Death!
- Greg Proffitt: Yeah! Dr. Death could do it!
- Travis Proffitt: We've got to do something, *right*, Dad?
- Travis Proffitt: [watching Charlie put superglue on the bottom of the plates] Are you sure this is gonna work?
- Charlie: My ideas always work. I'm gifted!
- Travis Proffitt: [laughing at the memory] I loved it when you glued Joey to the toilet seat.
- Adele Burbridge: Is anyone at your home?
- Charlie Proffitt: Yeah, our mom is.
- Adele Burbridge: [dumbfounded] You have a mother now? Your father remarried?
- Travis Proffitt: Ummm... yeah, we got a new mother now.
- Adele Burbridge: Well, good. Then I'm calling both your parents!
- Dean Proffitt: [finds Annie near catatonic] What's wrong with her?
- Charlie Proffitt: She's been like that for an hour now!
- Travis Proffitt: She's getting better though.
- Dean Proffitt: Better?
- Charlie Proffitt: Yeah she's not going
- Charlie Proffitt, Travis Proffitt, Greg Proffitt, Joey Proffitt: Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo.
- Dean Proffitt: Why'd she do that?
- Travis Proffitt: She destroyed the scarecrow, Dad, she ripped that sucker's head off!
- Joey Proffitt: [in a Pee Wee Herman voice] I like when she goes bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo.
- Dean Proffitt: [waves hand in front of her eyes] Hey, baby doll? What's for dinner?
- Annie: [distantly] Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo.
- Dean Proffitt: Alright, I got it from here. Get upstairs.
- [picks Annie up]
- Charlie Proffitt: Dad, will you trade her in for a new one?
- Dean Proffitt: Nah, she'll be alright.
- [takes her out to the rain barrel and dunks her in]
- Grant Stayton: Don't get any ideas. I brought Olaf. Olaf?
- Travis Proffitt: I think we could take Olaf.
- Annie: Get up, go to the bathroom, do what you normally do.
- Travis Proffitt: Will you squirt us with the hose again?
- Annie: That's up to you.