Michael Caine: Lawrence Jamieson

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Lawrence Jamieson

Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.

Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
Freddy Benson: No!

Freddy Benson: Listen. We're the weaker sex. Men don't live as long as women. We get more heart attacks, more strokes, more prostate trouble. I say it's time for a change. I say let them give us money. Let's live off them for a while. That probably shocks a guy like you, right?
Lawrence Jamieson: Well, it's rather a revolutionary thought.

Freddy Benson: Of all the lousy... She is disgusting. She is lying. She is deceitful. She is two-faced. She is conniving, and she is dishonest!
Lawrence Jamieson: Heh, heh, heh... Yes... Isn't she wonderful?

Freddy Benson: [omitted from the profit distribution] Excuse me. What about me? What do I get?
Lawrence Jamieson: You are the student. You get knowledge.

Lawrence Jamieson: You've been banging on your pots again, haven't you? I've told you... if you keep on doing it, you won't have any pots left

Freddy Benson: Look what I did in the dining car! She gave me 100 francs. That's like, uh, 20 bucks! Do you have any idea what it feels like to take a woman for 20 bucks?
Lawrence Jamieson: No, I haven't. I'm afraid it's a little out of my class.

Janet Colgate: You heard that awful story about his girlfriend and the dancer. How did that make you feel?
Lawrence Jamieson: It made me physically sick.

Freddy Benson: Oh, come on! She's keeping the mink. I mean, if we take her for everything, she still comes out with a very very nice mink.
Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, the women I deal with are carefully screened. They're wealthy and corrupt. I never take advantage of the poor or the virtuous.

Freddy Benson: Of all the lousy - She is disgusting! She is lying! She is deceitful! She is two-faced! She is conniving and she is dishonest!
Lawrence Jamieson: Yes. Isn't she wonderful?

[first lines]
Lady with Pearls: Your Highness, please allow me to make this little contribution.
Lawrence Jamieson: No, I cannot accept them.
Lady with Pearls: But think of what these could do for your cause.
Lawrence Jamieson: Even though I know those pearls would mean freedom for many of my people, I will not take them.
Lady with Pearls: Please. Please! These could save the lives of many men.
Lawrence Jamieson: The men of my country are proud. They would die rather than have their Prince accept charity.
Lady with Pearls: Then think of the lives of the women, the mothers.
Lawrence Jamieson: The women of my country fight alongside the men. They are also too proud to accept charity.
Lady with Pearls: Then consider the lives of the children. The innocent children.
Lawrence Jamieson: But - for the children.
[Lawrence accepts the pearls]

Lawrence Jamieson: Don't worry, Ruprecht. We won't go anywhere without you.
Freddy Benson: [pretending to be Ruprecht] Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
Lawrence Jamieson: [to the rich Lady from Oklahoma] He'll enjoy Oklahoma's wide-open spaces. He loves to run and run and run.
Freddy Benson: Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!

Inspector Andre: She's the blonde in the blue sequined dress. Extremely rich, very married, eminently corruptible and a willing infidel.
Lawrence Jamieson: Perfect.

Lawrence Jamieson: Well, the Jackal has finally tucked his tail between his legs and crawled away.