Molly Ringwald credited as playing...
Darcy Elliot Bobrucz
- Darcy: Oh my God! My God, it's huge, it's a monster! It's a giant boa-constrictor, get that thing away from me, get it away, put it aways before it kills somebody!
- Darcy: I tried on my dress, for the prom, I look like a Thanksgiving Day float. I'm also itchy everywhere, my ankles are fat, there's something hanging out of my butt, the article's not going well and now I have to get a haircut.
- Stan: There's something hanging out of your what?
- Darcy: Well, when you're pregnant, sometimes you get hemorroids, okay?
- Stan: Bummer.
- Darcy: God, why can't you just be my mother? Why can't you just crawl in bed with me right now and put your arms around me?
- Donna Elliot: Well, just what is it you want?
- Darcy: Just don't be my friend, okay?
- Donna Elliot: But I am your friend.
- Darcy: No, I don't want that. I can't. It comes with all these strings. When you're a mother, you just love somebody. That's it!
- Darcy: I'll worry about that, okay? You just worry about making sure he gets on a plane by Thursday. Oh, and make sure that he gets enough underwear. Okay?
- Darcy: These frogs are very big news at my school and very big news in Kenosha - which is where I live and where I find my stories. Do you know Mike Royko? He writes about Chicago. Fran Lebowitz writes about New York. I write about Kenosha!
- Mrs. Bobrucz: Stay for dinner, Darcy. We have glumpkies.
- Darcy: I'd love to, but it's Thursday.
- Lou Bobrucz: Oh, yeah. French night.
- Mr. Babrucz, Stan: French night! Ooh-la-la!
- Mr. Babrucz: Come wit me to zee Casbah.
- Mary Bobrucz: What's a Casbah?
- Mrs. Bobrucz: We have French fries!
- Stan: French dressing.
- Mr. Babrucz: Ooh! Zee french toast.
- Mrs. Bobrucz: And for dessert - we've got ice cream.
- Lou Bobrucz: French vanilla.
- Mary Bobrucz: And french kissing. With gum!
- [Stan and Darcy stop chewing their gum]
- Stan: What's wrong? What's the matter?
- Darcy: Nothing. Nothing. It's just that I've never seen you - naked.
- Stan: Naked.
- Darcy: Well, you know, I mean, we did it - but I - I just never actually looked at it.
- Stan: Come on, we did it six times.
- Darcy: Five times. The car, the car, the garage, the tent, the basement. Does that count?
- Stan: Of course it counts.
- Darcy: Okay. Well, still, that's only five times.
- Stan: The rain?
- Darcy: Oh, yeah. Still - I never actually checked it out.
- Stan: Oh, well, you don't have to look.
- Darcy: No, I want to!
- Stan: Well?
- Darcy: It's cute.