Randy Quaid credited as playing...
Frank • Cornall Crawford
- Cornell Crawford: Well choke my chicken! Your name's Pear right? You lived next door to Frank, am I right?
- Arlo Pear: Yeah.
- Cornell Crawford: Small world ain't it?
- Arlo Pear: Too small.
- Cornell Crawford: Frank says you're a real asshole and if you fuck with me, I'll kill you, you understand?
- Frank Crawford: [after giving the paperboy's bike a Lithuanian-style throw across the lawn, he drags him over to the wrong place he threw the paper] I said, on the porch! Is this a porch? Does it look like a porch to you? It looks like a shrub to me! Now, pay attention! Shrub, green, leafy. Shrub!
- [He drags the paperboy to the porch]
- Frank Crawford: Porch, flat, concrete!
- [He drags the paperboy back and forth]
- Frank Crawford: Shrub! Porch! You got it now, soldier? Huh?
- Paperboy: [crying] Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
- Frank Crawford: [Frank notices Randy and Marshall, who just came home from the grocery store with Monica] Hey! What are you staring at?
- Monica Pear: [as Marshall and Randy start laughing, she shoos them into the house] Get in the house, boys. Come on. Don't make eye contact.
- Frank Crawford: Is your old man still looking for a job? Tell him we can use a good paperboy. This kid ain't cutting it!
- [He holds up the spooked paperboy]
- Cornell Crawford: What the fuck are you doing?
- Arlo Pear: I want you to take this big red motherfucker and put it back in your garage, you understand you son of a bitch? And go to the store and get a human sized mower!
- Arlo Pear: Frank, remember two years I loaned you my weed whacker? Well since we're moving, I've come to ask for it back.
- Frank Crawford: No.
- Arlo Pear: It's *our* weed whacker, Frank, the whole family went down to Sears together. So I've come to ask you to give it back.
- Frank Crawford: No.
- Arlo Pear: Frank, I loaned it to you two years ago to cut yor weeds. You haven't cut shit with the weed whacker! What did you do with it? Keep the weed whacker, Frank! Be happy with it because you have to friends! Nobody wants to talk to you!
- Perry: Frank, that you?
- Frank Crawford: Edwards, Perry! Well choke my chicken!
- Arlo Pear: Maybe we'll send you a plane ticket and you can visit us at Christmas.
- Frank Crawford: Good but I won't.
- Arlo Pear: [Frank has taken a bite out of an unpeeled banana] Aren't you gonna peel that?
- Frank Crawford: I know what's in it.
- [last lines]
- Cornell Crawford: [after Arlo unplugs his lawnmower] What the FUCK are you doing?
- Arlo Pear: I want you to take his big, red motherfucker and put it back in your garage. Do you understand, you son of a bitch, and go to the store and buy yourself a human-sized mower?
- Cornell Crawford: [menacingly] Yeah?
- [walks in front of Arlo]
- Cornell Crawford: And who's gonna make me?
- [Arlo notices his catatonic dog, Flipper, starting to growl and bark at Cornell, spooking him and starts to chuckle nervously]
- Cornell Crawford: Hey, I don't want any trouble.
- Arlo Pear: [happily] Come on, Flipper, let's go home.
- [he and his family walk back towards their new house]
- Cornell Crawford: Neighbor...
- [Arlo turns around]
- Cornell Crawford: we're going to get along, just fine.
- [happy with Cornell's comment, he successfully holds up his index finger]