David Johansen credited as playing...
Ghost of Christmas Past
- Claire Phillips: Taxi! Can you get me to the IBC building in three minutes?
- Ghost of Christmas Past: Which floor?
- Ghost of Christmas Past: Let's face it, Frank. Garden slugs got more out of life than you.
- Frank Cross: Yeah? Name one!
- Ghost of Christmas Past: You left Claire for Frisbee the dog? Frank, let me sum this up for you: you don't know who you are, you don't know what you want, and you don't know what the hell is going on!
- Frank Cross: I've made a few mistakes. I gotta live with that. But I do know who I am, I know what I want, and I know what's going on!
- Ghost of Christmas Past: [the Ghost has disappeared into a monitor, and whistles to get his attention] Hey, Frank! Up here!
- Frank Cross: What's going on?
- Ghost of Christmas Past: How should I know? I'm just the ghost! So long, sucker!
- [after Frank has been visibly touched by seeing his mother in 1955]
- Ghost of Christmas Past: Niagara Falls, "Frankie Angel".
- Frank Cross: [wiping his eyes, pretending he hasn't been crying] I was touched by a gift. A four-year-old kid receives what at today's prices is a $40 or $50 piece of milk-fed veal.
- Ghost of Christmas Past: Frank, you still spent the next 15 years on your ass watching TV.
- Frank Cross: [scoffs] I think if you check the records, I did some stuff. I played baseball. One year, I hit the home-run that won the big game.
- Ghost of Christmas Past: That was the kid on "The Courtship of Eddie's Father"!
- Frank Cross: [undeterred] There was another time, though.
- Frank Cross: I was on a hill covered with flowers and there was a beautiful girl with pigtails...
- Ghost of Christmas Past: YOU ARE SO PATHETIC! YOU ARE SO PATHETIC! That was "The Little House on the Prairie"!
- Frank Cross: [beat] Was it the "Homecoming" episode--?
- Ghost of Christmas Past: Yes, it was the "Homecoming" episode! Face it, Frank. Garden snails got more out of life than you!
- Frank Cross: I get it. You're taking me back in time to show me my mother and father, and I'm supposed to get all goosey and blubbery. Well, forget it, pal, you got the wrong guy!
- Ghost of Christmas Past: That's exactly what Attila the Hun said. But when he saw his mother... Niagara Falls!
- [Ghost of Christmas Past takes Frank to 1955]
- Frank Cross: Where are we?
- Ghost of Christmas Past: Where are we? You mean, "When are we?"