Michael McKean credited as playing...
Fred Ritter
- Fred: Are you ok.
- Johnny Five: Functioning 100%. Perfectly ko Derf.
- Fred: It's Fred.
- Johnny Five: That's what I said, Derf.
- Fred: Benny? You're leaving me with my back to the wall here. I mean, we gotta come up with something!
- Ben Jarhvi: It is not possible. We are the type of people who have everything in our favor going against us.
- Johnny Five: Am not human, but am a life-form, have soul. But him me killed to try.
- Fred: Hey wait a minute J5, what do you think you're gonna do?
- Johnny Five: Pursue! Capture! Incarcerate!
- Fred: Come on now man, these are serious guys! You're not in top form, and your backup battery is all used up!
- Johnny Five: I'm okay-kay, just a few biddly-biddly Bugs Bunny to work out in out in! Perfectly functionality, functionality!
- Fred: Oh yeah sure, listen to yourself, you can't even talk straight!
- Johnny Five: Derf, a life-form's gotta do what a life-form's gotta do. Stand aside.
- Ben Jarhvi: Oh, now, now we are un-employers.
- Fred: Oh, look, we still got all of the robot parts in the van; I can get a new staff together...
- Ben Jarhvi: But we are having no more money and now we are having no equipment. To assemble the robots with our naked hands, it would be slower than - than moles' asses in January.
- Johnny Five: Frederick, I have an important question. Why do humans not like me, call me "craphead"?
- Fred: They like you. They like you. Craphead is a compliment.
- Johnny Five: Oh...
- Fred: I'm SORRY I tried to sell your god damned robot. Okay? It was a dirty trick. I'm a jerk. I'm a sleaze-ball.
- Ben Jarhvi: You are getting warmer.
- Fred: It's just that when you OWE as much money as I do, it kind of puts you under pressure. You know?
- Ben Jarhvi: And who would be foolish enough to loan money to you?
- Fred: [groans] Don't rub it in. I had to go to a shark.
- Ben Jarhvi: Oh, dearie! Now you're expecting me to believe that you borrowed money from a fish!
- Fred: No, no. A Loan Shark. It's somebody, if you don't pay them back right away, they start removing popular parts of your anatomy.
- Johnny Five: Fred wants to sell ME?'!
- Fred: [laughs] Oh, J-5, c'mon, it's just a figure of speech.
- Johnny Five: Am not property, Frederick! One whose person is under control of another as master, is a SLAVE!
- Robotic Company Executive: That's all we need: A robot who's into equal rights.
- Fred: I thought you said this thing mis-functioned on you.
- Ben Jarhvi: Oh, that is a falsity. What actually happened was we were working on him one day and suddenly he is struck by lightning. And, from this moment on, he's having a mind of his own. So, the government tried to destroy him so he ran away. So, now he's living with my friend in Montana, in a cabin, in the woods, in... cognito.
- Ben Jarhvi: [is locked in a freezer with Fred and reading fortune cookies] "The warmth in your heart makes others ha-ha-happy".
- Fred: I still like this one
- [reads the one in his hand]
- Fred: "Opportunity is waiting, you need but to open the door".
- Fred: We gotta go! You see those two guys over there?
- [points towards two advancing policemen]
- Fred: They want to take your books away!
- Johnny Five: [horrified gasp]
- Fred: [Trying to repair Johnny before his battery fails] I'm no good at this!
- Johnny Five: Fifteen minutes, you have, to get good.
- Fred: Fifteen minutes?
- Johnny Five: Plenty of time... time... in a sort of runic rhyme...
- Fred: [Waving his hand in front of Johnny's face] All right! Don't lose it!
- Manic Mike: [Seeing a battle-clad Johnny charging out of his locked store] Hey! How did you get in there?
- Fred: [Running after Johnny] Hey, life form! Cool it!
- Manic Mike: What is that? How much you want for it?