Lee Ross credited as playing...
Kenny Phillips
- Tiddler: How was Warner Edison?
- Colin: Dead.
- Kenny: What?
- Colin: He had a heart attack last Wednesday, two hours after he phoned me to come round. It was his funeral this afternoon, and they were having a sort of a gathering at his house. Do you know what I really wish?
- Tiddler: What?
- Colin: I wish that I hadn't pushed past the guy that opened the door, rushed into the house and shouted "Hi Warner, I'm a bunny-gram!". Do you have any idea what it's like to have every single rich and powerful person in town dressed in black and staring at you, while you're wearing a giant pink rabbit costume to a funeral? Excuse me, I'm just going into the toilet to whimper for a while.
- Lynda: You're sulking, Kenny.
- Kenny: Lynda, I am not sulking.
- Lynda: Is it because I rejected your computing article?
- Kenny: I didn't know you rejected it...?
- Lynda: You thought it got torn in half by accident?
- Kenny: Oh, breaking it to me gently were you? No, it's not because you rejected my compting article.
- Lynda: Is it what I said about your mother?
- Kenny: What did you say about my mother?
- Lynda: Oh nothing. C'mon Kenny, what is it?
- Kenny: Well if you have to know, it is something you said.
- Lynda: What?
- Kenny: Lynda I do not like "everybody."
- Lynda: Kenny that was just something I said in the heat of the moment. Don't take it to heart.
- Kenny: I'm sick of people thinking I'm just this reasonable, decent, likeable guy.
- Lynda: Oh nobody thinks that.
- Kenny: There are lots of people I don't like.
- Lynda: Yeah?
- Kenny: Well of course.
- Lynda: Name one.
- Kenny: What?
- Lynda: I'm curious. Name one person you really hate. Who's top of your personal hit list?
- Kenny: Well I wouldn't like to single out who I hate the most.
- Lynda: Why not?
- Kenny: Well it wouldn't be fair on them.
- Lynda: You really do like everyone, don't you?
- Kenny: Oh, I don't like Mr. Cavendish the maths teacher.
- Lynda: Well nobody likes him, he's a half-dead, senile, old psychopath!
- Kenny: Oh Lynda, he's not that bad.
- Lynda: Don't you think you've got something to say to me?
- Spike: Suddenly, she stood before him. Their eyes met. Especially hers. Y'know, you really ought to do something about that squint.
- Lynda: I don't have a squint!
- Spike: Oh no! Must be me!
- Kenny: Here we go!
- Tiddler: Yep
- Lynda: So what made you come in tonight? Don't tell me you were frightened of little old me?
- Spike: You know, if you did have a squint, it might actually improve your appearance.
- Lynda: If I had a squint, it would certainly improve yours.
- Spike: Oh, were you being funny there? I've heard rumours about you doing this.
- Lynda: I've a sense of humour, same as anyone!
- Spike: Yeah, you told me once, but I thought you were joking!
- Lynda: That's probably because I always laugh when I look at you!
- Spike: Ha! You laugh? We'd have to use electrodes!
- Lynda: Yeah, on you!
- Kenny: Look, can we just stop this, please?
- Spike: Tell her, she's the one that needs relaxing!
- Lynda: I'm perfectly relaxed!
- Spike: You're so uptight, your feet don't reach the ground!
- [Lynda looks down]
- Spike: Made you look!