Julia Sawalha credited as playing...
Lynda Day • Young Katherine Hill
- Lynda: Okay, it's like this. There's a tribe living down by a river, and in the river there are crocodiles. The tribe has one particular piece of wisdom passed down through the generations. It goes like this: if you happen to meet a crocodile, don't stick your head in its mouth. Every now and then, and who knows the reason, people ignore this advice, which is sad, because they die. But very stupid because they were warned. They had a choice. The moral of this story is this: You can't afford to be stupid. There are crocodiles.
- Angelo: You look very cute in that outfit.
- Lynda: Thank you. That's the first time you've noticed I'm dressed.
- Lynda: I'm not being unreasonable, I'm keeping my cool. All I want is simply for this person to be removed from the studio and shot dead.
- Spike: Lynda, I still need help with this form.
- Lynda: Look you can read can't you?
- Spike: Until my finger gets sore.
- Lynda: And you can write.
- Spike: Right, I can do that backwards, but I'm getting help for that.
- Lynda: Spike this is getting boring. Is there anything you don't joke about?
- Spike: Sure.
- Lynda: What?
- Spike: Nothing.
- [pauses]
- Spike: I was joking. Fun isn't it?
- Lynda: I've had more fun with a pencil stuck in my eye.
- Spike: You think we're becoming friends here? I think I feel a spark.
- Lynda: Spike.
- Spike: So how long before we start going out with each other?
- Lynda: What?
- Spike: Because I want to know something straight.
- Lynda: About what?
- Spike: When I dump you - you want a letter, or should I just stop phoning?
- Lynda: You're sulking, Kenny.
- Kenny: Lynda, I am not sulking.
- Lynda: Is it because I rejected your computing article?
- Kenny: I didn't know you rejected it...?
- Lynda: You thought it got torn in half by accident?
- Kenny: Oh, breaking it to me gently were you? No, it's not because you rejected my compting article.
- Lynda: Is it what I said about your mother?
- Kenny: What did you say about my mother?
- Lynda: Oh nothing. C'mon Kenny, what is it?
- Kenny: Well if you have to know, it is something you said.
- Lynda: What?
- Kenny: Lynda I do not like "everybody."
- Lynda: Kenny that was just something I said in the heat of the moment. Don't take it to heart.
- Kenny: I'm sick of people thinking I'm just this reasonable, decent, likeable guy.
- Lynda: Oh nobody thinks that.
- Kenny: There are lots of people I don't like.
- Lynda: Yeah?
- Kenny: Well of course.
- Lynda: Name one.
- Kenny: What?
- Lynda: I'm curious. Name one person you really hate. Who's top of your personal hit list?
- Kenny: Well I wouldn't like to single out who I hate the most.
- Lynda: Why not?
- Kenny: Well it wouldn't be fair on them.
- Lynda: You really do like everyone, don't you?
- Kenny: Oh, I don't like Mr. Cavendish the maths teacher.
- Lynda: Well nobody likes him, he's a half-dead, senile, old psychopath!
- Kenny: Oh Lynda, he's not that bad.
- Lynda: Ruby Grogan?
- Ruby: Yes?
- Lynda: Sorry, but Spike won't be coming in today.
- Ruby: Oh?
- Lynda: He's a bit off color. Well, parts of him. It's his rash again.
- Ruby: His what?
- Lynda: It's horribly inflamed.
- Ruby: Inflamed?
- Lynda: Horribly, yes. Well you know how it is when his sores start up.
- Ruby: Well, should I go and see him?
- Lynda: What, actually look at him you mean? Oh no, I wouldn't advise that. Anyway, it's contagious.
- Ruby: It is?
- Lynda: Very. You haven't been touching anything of his have you?
- Ruby: Well I sat in his chair...
- Lynda: You'll be alright, I know you will.
- [Pushes Ruby out the door of the newsroom, then knocks on the bathroom door. Spike comes out]
- Spike: You told her I was busy?
- Lynda: Yes.
- Spike: Thanks.