The Chilling

So, it was corny... extremely corny. I loved this movie, though. It has been given horrible reviews by pretty much everyone who has seen it. This, however, has been one of my favorite corny horror movies for many years. It is worth many laughs.

The zombies in it are the most creative I have seen in any horror movie, and I have seen a lot of them. The whole idea and plot are trite, but I think that it embodies the B movie... right down to Linda Blair playing a main character.

In short, and I know this was already short... watch this movie or I'll make you watch it.

The idea of Linda Blair, Grizzly Adams and Troy Donahue in one direct-to-video movie would be pretty gold, even without zombies. Actually, it's the zombies that are a problem here--the movie never quite figures out how it wants to depict them, so it tries every approach half-heartedly. Can they talk? Do they hunger for flesh? How decayed are they? Do they remember their old lives? All these things seem to vary depending on the scene, and perhaps fluctuations in a budget that was probably never generous.

The film is almost a camp delight, with its weird moralizing that doesn't quite come out and say "Embrace the Lord Jesus Christ," but does repeatedly suggest that cryogenics are a tool of Satan- -a bizarre idea to take so fervently that it apparently fueled this whole project, or at least its clumsy script. Once the action finally kicks in, the pace is decent enough, but as a horror film this is rendered consistently silly by the very lame fight/stunt staging and feeble/scant gore.

The name actors would stand out even if they weren't "names," because this is one of those movies where almost everyone in a subsidiary role is very amateurish. (i was surprised to find that the male lead eventually paired with Blair wasn't an executive producer or something, because he is so old, plain and charisma-free that one would expect he must have gotten cast by contributing to the film's financing.) Linda Blair attempts sincerity under circumstances which certainly don't merit or reward it; Haggerty is laid-back and pleasant as usual, though he'd gotten pretty heavy-set at this point; Donahue at least seems to be enjoying himself, chewing the scenery as the villain.

More interesting to think about--why DOES this cheesy undead movie always seem on the verge of a sermon?--than to actually watch, "The Chilling" is one of those films you can't really recommend even as a guilty pleasure (though it'll do on a slow night). But conversely I'd LOVE to read someone's behind-the-scenes account of how it came to be made, and then made in a fashion that suggests possible drastic problems occurred during shooting and/or post-production. (It's not unimaginable that two directors are credited because one was replaced mid-production--and it's notable that while neither did much else, one of them did a later movie that was apparently a porn flick.) Anyway, it's a curio that's enough of a misfire to explain why it's so little-known despite the cult-ready combination of actors and genre.

Woof! Pretty boring, and they might as well have shot it in black and white, it was so colorless.

The movie starts with rolling text explaining cryogenics, and asking whether god or Satan is behind it. There are some protests outside a cryogenics lab. Some people rob a bank, and many of the robbers and guards get shot. The father of one of the robbers (I think) arranges to have his son frozen. There's a lot of jumping around in the beginning from scene to scene introducing characters without us knowing how they relate.

There's a power outage, and the cannisters containing the frozen people get struck by lightning, and they emerge as zombies. They're all wearing silver mylar-like suits, and their skin is dark green and wrinkled (no idea why they look so bad - being frozen evidently didn't preserve their looks), and they have silver eyes. They go around killing people, sometimes lurching like zombies, sometimes moving like normal people.

Linda Blair keeps showing up every once in a while, to what purpose I'm not really sure. I think her character works at the cryogenics lab, but she's not very important to the plot, and her role is very small.

The movie ends with some freeze frames with text captions that tell us what happened to the characters next, which are pretty silly.

The combination of Dan Haggerty (Elves) and Linda Blair (Exorcist) is enough to make any horror fan excited about this movie. And once you see the cover art to this film of a frozen zombie coming out of their cryogenic chamber, you'll think you were in B-Movie Horror Heaven. At least that's the way I approached this film. But boy, was I in for a shock

I love horror movies. I love B-Movies as well. Nothing makes my day more than a cheesy little film about zombies, monsters, murderers, that sort of thing. But to say that this movie was lacking, is an understatement. This movie was pure trash. You'd think the zombies would look somewhat like what the cover-art of the box displays, but instead, you get actors with masks that are clearly sold at any Halloween display counter. Furthermore, the script is beyond pitiful. Our main character, Joseph, suffers the loss of his wife and son and seeks solace in the warm-hearted Mary, played by Blair. Not once do you see any sign of sadness or discomfort on the part of Joseph's character. Instead, we see the head of the cryogenic labs, a man named Dr. Miller, eager to get the dead bodies and experiment with their organs. There is no emotion or anything to make you believe you should give a damn about anyone in this film.

All and all, very disappointing. All the elements to make a great horror film were there. You had your zombies, your decent actors, and your story. But the lack of good writing and little if any sense of direction screwed this one up royally. Overall, 4 out of 10

When I decided to try watching a movie about cryogenic zombies ("cryonoids"), I wasn't expecting a whole lot. That's exactly what I got, and then even less. Aside from a shortage of special effects (squibs?) and a severe lack of any acting talent, "The Chilling" also sports the absolute worst script I've ever seen made into a movie. I had to stop the tape numerous times during the first 45 minutes in order to repair the damage done to my intellect for witnessing such atrocious dialogue as there is found here.

Furthermore, the collection of characters is so formulaic and one-dimensional it's ridiculous: the corrupt doctor; his assistant, played by Linda Blair (we know she's his "assistant" because he repeatedly refers to her by that title); the recently-widowed businessman with a heart of gold who develops a romantic interest with Blair's character; his criminal son; the Blair character's alcoholic, abusive, unemployed boyfriend, whom we are introduced to in the most contrived use of a flashback; and, of course, the rough, tough, bearded security guard who becomes the hero.

Apparently, the preserving fluid which some cryogenics lab uses on its bodies is highly conductive, naturally resulting in disaster when all of the lab's containers end up outdoors in a remarkable sequence of events during a lightning storm (on Halloween night, no less). As for the zombies themselves, if you enjoy watching people in green latex masks walking around in aluminum foil suits, then "The Chilling" is the movie for you. The zombie action is very weak at its best; the zombies' primary killing method seems to be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them to death. The businessman and the security guard do most of the zombie fighting, including a highly suspenseful scene of re-freezing the undead with liquid nitrogen. Let me tell you, the steel mill scene in "T2" has got nothing on "The Chilling" in portraying an enemy getting frozen in his tracks like that.

How Linda Blair ended up stuck in the middle of this piece of dreck is indeed a mystery. True, her career didn't exactly skyrocket during the 80s (sadly), but this movie is an embarrassment for her. The script doesn't even have the decency to put her to any good use. The most that her character is given to do is shriek out things like "Here they come", "Do something", "Hurry!". The only thing I can figure is that poor Linda was compensated for her work on this film in rations of food. The hero is played by Grizzly Adams himself, Dan Haggerty. In this picture, he faces stiff acting competition from his beard and the security dog, and he does his best to outperform them both.

The only frightening part of "The Chilling" is the introduction which brings up the factual elements of cryogenics and suggests that "the film you are about to see could happen in your own community". As I was counting the number of times a few of the names are repeated in the closing credits, I was floored to suddenly see Lucasfilm get credited. Fortunately, it was only for the movie's sound production. 1/10.