Peter Falk credited as playing...
Columbo
- Dr. Joan: Do you think less of me?
- Lt. Columbo: I'm only a policeman. Judging people... that's all up to somebody else, but I can tell you that I've enjoyed our talks very much, and I think I do understand.
- Dr. Joan: Could I bring you something to drink?
- Charlie: Uh, sure, could you manage some sparkling mineral water?
- Dr. Joan: I think so...
- [to Columbo]
- Dr. Joan: Same for you, Lieutenant?
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, no, thank you, Ma'am. I'll just have some seltzer.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, but when you get right down to it, Ma'am, only one woman came in, and only one woman went out, and whatever all this means, we have to look at the lady in black, and when we find her, I promise yuh, you're gonna be the first to know!
- Lt. Columbo: The things you say on the radio, ma'am. They're very frank.
- Dr. Joan: About what?
- Lt. Columbo: About sex, ma'am.
- Lt. Columbo: I'm a married man, ma'am.
- Dr. Joan: Everything all right at home?
- Lt. Columbo: I think I'm going to leave now. Thank you very much.
- Tuba Player: Ah, you've done this before.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, yeah. When I was in high school, that was the only instrument they had left.
- Tuba Player: Same with me.
- Bartender #1: I wasn't paying much attention, so I can't tell you. Me, I'm just a bartender. I don't have what you might call a trained policeman's eye.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, you just tell me what little you know.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, we got descriptions, ma'am. We've got plenty of descriptions. The night security guard, he said that she was shy. And the bartender at Buckets, he said that she was bold and confident. So what we're looking for, ma'am, is a shy, bold, nervous, confident lady in black.
- Lt. Columbo: Isn't that the title of your book, "The Courtesan Complex"?
- Dr. Joan: Yes.
- Lt. Columbo, Dr. Joan: My wife read it, you know?
- Dr. Joan: Uh-huh.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh yeah. She enjoyed it so much she suggested I read it.
- Dr. Joan: Did she beat you to its pages with a stick, Lieutenant?
- Lt. Columbo: Well, I'm going to tell you the truth, ma'am. She was most anxious for me to read the sexual fantasy part.