The Carpenter

Yeah, yeah, I know. Buying "The Carpenter" was all my fault, and I shouldn't have harbored the expectations that I did. I accept that. I'm not trying to blame anyone else for my misguided foul-ups. I do reserve the right, however, to curse the studio and all it represents for the various cinematic disappointments that are simply inexcusable.

The movie seemed interesting enough to me. A mysterious carpenter continues to appear in the, quote, "delirious dead of night," gruesomely eliminating any man or woman that causes the house owner grief. Yeah, yeah, great stuff.

The movie delivered, but only on certain levels. Yes, the carpenter showed up. And yes, the night always seemed slightly delirious. And you know what? There were even a number of original, if uninspired, death scenes. Great, great stuff.

Upon closer inspection, however, several glaring mistakes made themselves all too real.

Firstly, what's the deal with Wings Hauser? You've got one of the greatest character actors ever to grace the screen, and you waste his talent in such a visually lusterless role? Yeah yeah, I know. Wings Hauser sucks. Character actor? He's hardly an actor. The point I'm trying to make is that he needed to be dressed like a ghoul to make this flick a little more aesthetically appealing.

Secondly, and perhaps decisively, there's no nudity. I'm sorry, what? That's right, no nudity. There are two or three women in the film, but none strip down like they're supposed to. Several times we're offered some sort of teaser, but they never amount to anything. The very element that could have made this film is completely ignored, and "Carpenter" suffers for it.

Because of these simple mistakes, "The Carpenter" dawdles more in the twisted-romantic-drama genre and less in ceaseless, mind-numbing, bad horror like it was meant to. Sad. Very sad.

Ah well. Rent it anyway. It seems that if I can get other people to watch this crap, my life seems less desperate and lonely.

"The Carpenter" is certainly more intelligent than many horror films out there,but it's also so mediocre.The plot is quite interesting,but the pace is rather slow and the film becomes quickly dull.There is a good deal of splatter and some gruesome killings,but really this one isn't worth your time.4 out of 10-not a classic by any means,just another mediocre Canadian horror.

THE CARPENTER is one of those forgettable direct-to-video films made in the 1980s that was filmed in Canada (probably financed by a Canadian cable network). There's almost nothing memorable about it. Bland cast and acting. Bland story. Bland music. Bland horror. Bland everything. The dull story doesn't fit any known horror category: is it supernatural? slasher? psychological horror? Probably but it's so shallow that calling it a psychological horror is too generous.

So this carpenter (a ghost?) kills all the people that annoy a mentally disturbed woman, who, during the beginning of the film, experienced a nervous breakdown (no reason is given for her breakdown). The film almost works on a feminist level: most of the victims are men and the nonsensical dialogue Wings Hauser spouts throughout the film sounds like feminism 101. But calling this boring horror a feminist statement would be an insult to feminism, whether if one agrees with feminism or not.

Anyway, too many words for a crappy film. There's almost nothing memorable about this film except for one scene: the woman is having a blissful dream with the carpenter. They're both dressed in white and dance cheek to cheek to music when the carpenter, at one point, unzips himself and the woman screams in horror at what she sees off-screen: we hear the sound of a drill. The carpenter has a drill for a penis. Totally ludicrous scene which made me laugh out loud. Had THE CARPENTER had more scenes like this, it would have been much more entertaining.

This movie is a classic horror movie in Norway. It's intensely scary yet sensitive. With the ever so talented Wing Hauser as the crazed carpenter, though it's special effects are rather outdated. But it's complex plot and intensely scary music more than makes up for it.

They just don't make them like this anymore. An instant classic.

10 out of 10. BRAVO

Released from hospital after a nervous breakdown, Alice Jarett (Lynne Adams) moves into a country house with her philandering husband Martin (Pierre Lenoir), who has employed a team of workmen to renovate the property. At night, after the workmen have gone home and as Martin sleeps (having taken tranqs), Alice hears noises and investigates, discovering a lone carpenter (played by straight-to-video star Wings Hauser) hard at work. The genial craftsman befriends the flaky housewife, and becomes her guardian angel, using his handy array of power-tools to take care of those who mean to do her harm. It eventually transpires that Alice's new friend is the ghost of Ed, the man who originally built their home, and who was executed in the electric chair after killing those who tried to repossess his property.

I first saw The Carpenter in the wee hours at an all-night horror festival and struggled to stay focused thanks to the film's rather slow pace. But even with me wide awake this time around, the languorous approach still made this one drag quite a bit. As the carpenter with a screw loose (pun intended), Hauser absolutely nails it (pun also intended), being both charismatic and menacing, and there are a couple of reasonably bloody death scenes, but for much of the time I was bored (bored... board... geddit? OK, I was struggling with that one!).