The Carpenter

In THE CARPENTER, a woman named Alice (Lynne Adams) moves into a new home with her idiot husband, Martin (Pierre Lenoir). Alice has mental issues, including delusional thinking. The rural house needs a lot of repairs, and one night Alice meets the titular artisan (Wings Hauser) working late in the basement. Is he part of the work crew, or... ??

When Alice finds herself in a bad spot with one of the workmen, the mystery man intervenes in grisly fashion. Hmmm, Martin had better watch his P's and Q's, or he may just wind up "remodeled" himself! Why, he could have a "splitting" headache!

This movie is an insanely ghoulish, tragic love story, perfect for Wings Hauser fans, since he's great in it!...

THE CARPENTER is one of those forgettable direct-to-video films made in the 1980s that was filmed in Canada (probably financed by a Canadian cable network). There's almost nothing memorable about it. Bland cast and acting. Bland story. Bland music. Bland horror. Bland everything. The dull story doesn't fit any known horror category: is it supernatural? slasher? psychological horror? Probably but it's so shallow that calling it a psychological horror is too generous.

So this carpenter (a ghost?) kills all the people that annoy a mentally disturbed woman, who, during the beginning of the film, experienced a nervous breakdown (no reason is given for her breakdown). The film almost works on a feminist level: most of the victims are men and the nonsensical dialogue Wings Hauser spouts throughout the film sounds like feminism 101. But calling this boring horror a feminist statement would be an insult to feminism, whether if one agrees with feminism or not.

Anyway, too many words for a crappy film. There's almost nothing memorable about this film except for one scene: the woman is having a blissful dream with the carpenter. They're both dressed in white and dance cheek to cheek to music when the carpenter, at one point, unzips himself and the woman screams in horror at what she sees off-screen: we hear the sound of a drill. The carpenter has a drill for a penis. Totally ludicrous scene which made me laugh out loud. Had THE CARPENTER had more scenes like this, it would have been much more entertaining.

"The Carpenter" is certainly more intelligent than many horror films out there,but it's also so mediocre.The plot is quite interesting,but the pace is rather slow and the film becomes quickly dull.There is a good deal of splatter and some gruesome killings,but really this one isn't worth your time.4 out of 10-not a classic by any means,just another mediocre Canadian horror.

"The Carpenter" is not likely to win many fans from the guts and gore crowd. The carpentry tool killings are so over the top, that they are only going to hold interest for admirers of "black comedy". Throw in at least average acting, a story with some originality for a change, and of course a deranged Wings Hauser. Since my girlfriend didn't leave the room and kept watching, even after arms were being cut off with a circular saw, I can confirm a certain romantic angle that I didn't see coming. Without the presence of Wings, this is completely forgettable. Wings fans will not be disappointed. In good conscience I cannot recommend this as a date movie, but I do recommend "The Carpenter" as a good dark comedy. - MERK

Wouldn't it be so much cooler if John Carpenter had directed this movie? Then the box of the VHS could loudly announce "John Carpenter's … The Carpenter"! And also, it probably would have been a much better film if John directed it… "The Carpenter" is a rather weak and laughable 80's slasher movie that desperately tries to add in some deeper psychological themes, but fails. It centers on a beautiful, thirty-something housewife that just got released from a period in a mental institution because she cut up her husband's business suits for no apparent reason. They move into a new countryside house that still needs a lot of renovation and Alice stays indoors whilst her husband cheats on her with a hot blond chick. Meanwhile Alice falls in love with the reincarnation of carpenter Ed (portrayed by 80's stud Wings Hauser). Ed is an old-fashioned workaholic who died in the electric chair 40 years earlier after he went a little berserk and killed some people that didn't allow him to finish his work. Together, Alice and Ed butcher a couple of lazy handymen and talk about dancing. How adorable! It's a pretty ridiculous film overall, with too much talking and only a couple of demented murder scenes to make up for it. The killings are similar to the ones in the 'video-nasty' cult classic "The Toolbox Murders" (a nail gun, a bench vice…) but not nearly as gross or memorable. I always thought Wings Hauser is a bit of an idiot and didn't really like him in this role, neither. His tedious speeches about how "handy-work is holy" are implausible and not exactly terrifying. The climax is just plain retarded.