I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle

British horror comedy featuring a bunch of familiar faces from British TV of the time about a vampire motorcycle. A 1970's Norton to be precise. Certainly original, this is a decent romp with laughs plus plenty of gore. There is a gross scene involving a talking turd which then jumps down our hero's throat! And there's also an exorcism featuring an eccentric priest. Non Brits may at times struggle with the humour or slang. It is a good, fun movie but at times is a tad too silly and at over 100 minutes perhaps could have benefited from losing about 10 minutes.

Brummie motorbike courier Noddy (Neil Morrissey) buys himself a classic Norton Commando, unaware that his new ride is possessed by a demon and requires blood for fuel. With the help of a garlic-breathed police detective (Michael Elphick) and a biker priest (Anthony Daniels), Noddy tries to stop the evil machine's reign of terror.

A man behaving badly, Private Schulz and C3PO versus a motorbike: this loopy British comedy horror looks cheap and the humour is uneven, but it is all so delightfully daft that it's hard to hate on it too much. Similar in tone to early Peter Jackson movies (but nowhere near as full throttle, mind you), I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle combines low-brow comedy with oodles of gore, making it the perfect accompaniment to a couple of beers (or whatever you prefer to smoke).

The craziness includes a talking turd in a toilet (played by Daniel Peacock), a sword fight in a pub, an ex-Grange Hill student (Paula Ann Bland) in a nurse's uniform being cut in half, the riderless Norton decapitating a gang of Hell's Angels, a traffic warden getting her comeuppance, and Burt Kwouk as a Chinese Takeaway owner called Fu King. All that and a healthy serving of cheesy splatter makes the film worth a go, even if we are presented with the genuinely horrific sight of Morrissey's arse rising from the crapper.

What a lovely piece of nastiness this B-movie shlock horror flick is.

The story itself is pretty basic. A Hell's Angels gang is carrying out a Black Mass to call out a nasty Daemon when a rival gang crash the party. The combatants are too late though. The Daemon has arrived and he's possessed a Norton Motorbike. This bike is then bought and repaired by bike enthusiast Noddy (Neil Morrissey)... but when the sun sets the bike sets off around the city looking for its own special brand of go-go-juice... Blood... Human Blood!

What makes this story so enjoyable though is the dark humour and the tongue-in-cheek storytelling. All the cliches are here, though, none of them is taken seriously.

The director, Dirk Campbell, tries his hardest to add an eerie atmosphere using lighting and colour techniques. However, what we get is a more '80's pop video. Which, in itself, isn't bad and gives the film a distinct feeling of style. What the director does well is use what's on offer to the best of his ability. For example the decapitations. Though the act isn't the best effect out, what he does with the severed heads makes up for it. Noddy's mate's, Buzzer, severed head look brilliant because of the way it's handled. Even when he appears as a talking turd in a nightmare it looks shockingly good. He even adds to the humour by using the motorcycle's headlight as the Daemon's eye and having him ogle Noddy's girlfriend, Kim. Then when Noddy and the priest have to run to the exorcism you know you're gonna hear The Batman '66 theme... and you just have to giggle.

The acting is above average, though it's not the lead characters who are the strongest in the cast. It's Michael Elphic as the garlic chomping copper, Anthony Daniels as the biker priest, and Andy Powell as the angry Hell's Angel boss who will stand out the most. They play their roles beautifully and just over the top enough to suit this film. I have to say though that the silent statue of the Chinese takeaway, Burt Kwok is my favourite of the pack... and he says nowt.

I have to say, though this only gets an average score it's well worth at least one watch. It's also that type of film you may fall in love with. So if you love horror and comedy then give this film a look-see. It's a very enjoyable hour and a half.

This was one of the best b-films I've seen for a long time, with humorous references to classic sixties biker/horror films such as Psychomania and The Damned, more than a few hilarious one liners, and Neil Morrisey before he was famous. And anyone who has actually owned and ridden a Norton like the star of the film, will know exactly where the writers are coming from. Rent it now - highly recommended for an evenings dvd entertainment.

I've caught this movie quite a few times and I always enjoy it. It's the tale of a despatch rider (played by Neil Morrisey) who buys a demonically possessed motorcycle that runs on blood instead of petrol. It's a silly idea fleshed out with great characters; a comedy vicar (played by Anthony Daniels) and fine comic copper (Michael Elphick). The films cheap, but resolutely cheerful and the overall effect is very pleasing. Particularly good apres pub viewing. I'd recommend it.