Houseboat Horror

Yep, this film is bad. Really bad. But it's worth watching just so the next time you watch Gavin Wood on the Lotto draw on Saturday nights, you can laugh at the memory of his acting performance. Incidentally, this film is so bad it was featured by D-Generation members on The Late Show back in the 90s, in a "Is this the worst film ever made?" type review. Although a possible runner-up in the Worst Australian Film category could be the Day/Strike of the Panther, two appalling martial arts films shot in Perth. I have no idea how they got the funding for the second effort!

Houseboat Horror is dreadful. Appalling. Pathetic at best. But at the same time, it is amusing to see people like John-Michael Howsen and Jim from Neighbours (remember him?) in such a dreadful film.

Of course the movie itself is not great, but that in itself is entertaining, especially if you get a few mates around and have a few drinks while watching it. Because like everything else, it's always better when you're drunk.

Or to put it simply, if you can put up with bad acting, bad filming, bad directing, bad sound, bad lighting, bad special effects, and bad everything else, you'll love it.

Often cited as one of the worst movies in Australian cinema and given its abysmal production quality and all-round general badness its not hard to see why. This is definitely unintentionally hilarious as well as being downright awful with horrendous acting, awkward camera shots, terrible writing and cheap gore effects.

The plot is about as standard as you can get with a rock group accompanied by a film crew to produce a music video at the desolate Lake Infinity, unaware that a maniac has snuck aboard their boat and one by one start getting brutally slaughtered.

Considering that it's shot on video (or SOV if you will), it isn't surprising that the movie looks grainy and dull with grey and barren locations that gives this a rather washed-out look. However despite all the flaws, there's a lot of fun to be had here with entertainingly bad death scenes, thick layered Aussie accents, horrible yet 80's crazy fashion, camp dialogue and a killer while extremely goofy yet totally lacking in any sort of screen presence.

Overall everything about 'Houseboat Horror' is bad, down to the questionable editing choices with the same scenes used more than once, the sluggish pace and the failed attempt at ripping off other slasher movies such as 'Friday The 13th', but there's enough cheesy entertainment to keep you, but there's no denying that this movie is awful and can only recommend it if you're a fan of bad movies or slasher movies in general.

Houseboat Horror is a great title for this film. It's absolutely spot-on, and therefore the only aspect of the film for which I can give 10 out of 10. There are houseboats, there is horror, there's even horror that takes place on houseboats. But if there were ever a tagline for the film poster, it would surely be 'Something shonky this way comes...' for Houseboat Horror is easily the worst Australian horror film I've ever seen, not to mention one of the worst horror films I've ever seen, and a fairly atrocious attempt at film-making in general. The good news is, it's so bloody awful, it sails straight through the zone of viewer contempt into the wonderful world of unintentional hilarity. It's worth watching *because* it's bloody awful.

The category of 'worst' comes not from the storyline, for the simple reason that there actually is one: a record producer, a film crew and a rock band drive up to the mystifyingly-named Lake Infinity, a picturesque rural retreat somewhere in Victoria (in reality Lake Eildon) to shoot a music video. Someone isn't especially happy to see them there and, possibly in an attempt to do the audience a favour, starts picking them off one by one with a very sharp knife. Even more mystifying is how long it takes the survivors to actually notice this,

On the surface, it looks like a very bog-standard B-movie slasher. You've got highly-annoying youths, intolerant elders, creepy locals (one of whom, a petrol station attendant, would easily win a gurning competition), and let's face it, my description of the murderer could easily be Jason Voorhees. Ah, but if only the acting and production values were anywhere near as good as the comparative masterpiece that was Friday The 13th Part VII. Unfortunately, Houseboat Horror is completely devoid of both these things.

But in the end, this only makes what you do get so ridiculous and amusing. Fans of one-time 'Late Show' and 'Get This' member Tony Martin will already be aware of some of the real dialogue gems ('Check out the view...you'll bar up!'), while the actual song to accompany the music video is so bad it has to be heard to be believed - I can't help wondering if writer/director Ollie Wood hoped it would actually become a hit. The horror element is comparable I think to B-slashers of the genre and particularly of the period, but there were times when I couldn't help imagining someone biting into a hamburger off-screen and seeing a volley of tomato sauce sprayed at the wall on-screen.

Indeed, if you've been listening to Tony Martin recommending this film as hilarious rubbish like myself, I don't think you'll be disappointed. Any fans of 'so-bad-it's-good' horror should not pass up the opportunity. Whether you'll 'bar up' or not though is another matter. If, on the other hand, you are in search of genuine excellence in the Australian horror genre, get yourself a copy of the incomparable 'Long Weekend' and don't look back.

Australian horror movies aren't very popular, but that doesn't mean that they're inferior. There have been some good ones, the very tongue in cheek "Cut", the bizarre "13th Floor" and the interesting "Out of the Body." Of course, there have been some really terrible ones, the worst of which is "Houseboat Horror." This movie was made in 1989, a time when horror films were running out of steam. Making a movie like "Houseboat Horror" was a mistake at this time. It recycled all the cliches used in 80's horror and recycled them badly. The movie looks to be extremely low budget, and seems to be shot on videotape. That doesn't matter though, a movie can still be low budget and be brilliant. But "Houseboat Horror" uses it's low budget for gore effects that look disastrous. You can't help but wonder if the money could have been used for something better, like a decent script. The story revolves around a film crew that travels to Lake Infinity to film a music video. But in the woods lurks a mad killer, who slaughters the film crew when they are stupid enough to split from the rest of the group. The killer's motive? Kill film crews because he was nearly burnt to death by a film crew some thirty years ago. Sound ridiculous? It is. Oh, and they're on houseboats, hence the title. The characters are not well written, I could hardly distinguish one from the other and I didn't even know their names. When they're murdered, am I supposed to care? Probably, but there's no emotional impact.

On the technical side of things, the photography was decent enough. But annoyingly, there are so many POV shots that it made my head spin. There is, on average, about one every five minutes. It gets tiring, and boring. The acting varies, some people are okay, I suppose. There are some funny one liners hidden in there. Some of the actors are really horrible, looking like they want to get out of there as fast as they can. But probably the most important part of a horror movie are the death scenes. For a movie that wants to be a gorefest, "Houseboat Horror" doesn't cut it (pardon the pun). Most of them have no suspense, and just cut away to a wall being splashed with blood. In my opinion, that is the weakest of murders in films.

So, if you can find a copy of this, watch it if you must, but don't expect to have fun. It's not even good in a 'so bad it's good' way. It's just bad.