Kirstie Alley credited as playing...
- James: Whoa! You really got your figure back, didn't you?
- Mollie: This is not my figure!
- James: Well then, you got Dolly Parton's figure back!
- Mollie: So you're the one who was kicking me.
- Mikey: Well, you're the one who ate all that spicy food.
- Mollie: That's it! You have some exotic baby disease, and I look like I could play the lead in "Night of the Living Dead", and your father deserted us so that he could pork his interior decorator. I think you can safely say that it can't get any worse.
- Rosie: [coming through the front door] Hello-o!
- Mollie: I was wrong.
- Mollie: I'm a very understanding person, Albert. I understand that you are going through a selfish phase. And, I'm sure that you will understand that I am going through a destructive phase.
- Albert: He has my eyes.
- Mollie: I know he does. You don't know how confusing it is when someone you love so much looks like someone you hate.
- [Mikey says Daddy]
- James: He- he said Daddy!
- Mollie: I think he called you Daddy.
- Mikey: [sarcastically] No, I'm talking to hear myself say it!
- Mollie: This has nothing to do with you! YOU are not his father!
- James: Well I'm the closest thing that he's got to it.
- Mollie: Oh please, look at you. You're like a big kid. Oh what, you really think you're responsible enough to be a father?
- James: Responsible? You call getting pregnant by a married guy "responsible?" Oh that's good.
- Mollie: Stop it!
- James: You stop!
- Mollie: YOU stop it!
- James: No, you stop! I've seen you. I've seen you use Mikey to push guys away and now you're doing it to me! Now that's it, I've had it! NOW GET OUT!
- Mollie: I live here!
- James: I know it!
- [pauses then leaves]
- Mollie: You spent forty years with a man who looked good in a uniform? Ma, you had no idea if he was a mature, responsible person!
- Rosie: If I thought like that, we wouldn't have gotten through the first week. And that was some week!
- Nurse: Slow down your breathing, you're not in an aerobics class.
- Mollie: [In a demonic voice] FUCK MY BREATHING!
- Mollie: [referring to Albert] We're gonna go see Daddy today!
- Mikey: [misunderstanding] Oh great, I was just thinking about James.
- Mollie: You HAVE to look fantastic.
- [holds up two baby outfits]
- Mollie: Which do you think, the blue or the lamb?
- Mikey: Well, neither - they both look pretty lame.
- Mollie: The lamb, right?
- Mikey: Not "lamb." "LAME."
- James: You don't look so hot.
- Mollie: Why don't you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look?
- James: Ouch! Guess I'd better call my mother more often!
- Mollie: If we ever got back together I'm afraid I would have to torture you for the rest of your life.
- Albert: Oh, that's okay. I want you to.
- Mollie: Grandpa, what's going on?
- Grandpa: Look, I'm a hostage.
- Burly Orderly: He's not a hostage. He's a *mean* old bastard! You see what he did to my arm? And he gave the nurse a black eye!
- Mollie: [Mollie slams Mikey's poopy diaper onto the desk] Now it's shit!
- James: Mind if I borrow some of this?
- [takes Mikey's bottle and pours the milk into his coffee cup]
- James: Thank a lot, man.
- [drinks coffee]
- Mollie: Hey, you know, that's breast milk.
- James: [spits out coffee] Really, now?
- [turns to Mikey]
- James: Why didn't you tell me?
- Mikey: Hey, man, you're on your own.
- Mollie: I'm so lucky. I can't believe I managed to find a nice, handsome family man.
- Rona: Yeah, except it's someone else's family.
- James: Look, you gotta use Lamaze. It works. My sister-in-law used it. You don't use drugs, and it's better for the kid.
- Mollie: You know, the only people who say stupid things like that are men, because they're idiots!
- Mollie: Hey, slow down! The first stages of labor can take hours!
- James: Yeah, so can the mid-town traffic!
- Mollie: Rona, if there wasn't such a thing as love, what kind of guy would you get to be your kid's father?
- Rona: Someone with a small mouth and good hair. Broad shoulders...
- Mollie: No, no, I'm talking about, what kind of a man would you want to stick around and help raise your child?
- Rona: There's a man who'd do that?
- [Molly learns to fly]
- Mollie: Oh, what a good sensation!
- James: It's like great sex, isn't it?
- Mollie: I personally wouldn't remember.
