George Segal credited as playing...
Albert
- James: Okay, if you're the father then maybe you can answer me these questions. What's Mikey's favorite cereal?
- Albert: I don't know.
- James: Cheerios. How many diapers does he go through a day? About six. Who's his favorite rock star? Michael Jackson. Don't you think a father should know some of these things?
- Albert: Okay how much is she paying you? 5 dollars an hour?
- [Gives James a 20]
- Albert: Here go play some video games.
- James: Don't give me that shit.
- [They start fighting]
- Mollie: [Albert is feeling up Mollie's leg] Al-Albert, stop. Albert, I can't do this anymore.
- Albert: Mollie, I love you, and you love me. I know you do.
- Mollie: Of course I love you, Albert. You're a wonderful father. You're great in bed, and you're my biggest account. But you're married. And I will never fall in love with anyone else as long as I'm seeing you, so think you should just work with a different accountant.
- Mollie: My doctor says my breathing's fine.
- Albert: You have to do what's best for the baby. When Beth was pregnant...
- Mollie: Oh I am so SICK of hearing about Beth! Beth Beth Beth Beth! I'm having a hard time figuring out how you could be in love with her and then in love with someone like me. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided to make out a will, when Beth had the girls she got a reading of their past lives!