Harley Jane Kozak: Susan

Parenthood

Susan

Susan Buckman Merrick: [after breaking the lock on Gary's bedroom door and searching it, Helen finds some sex tapes and plays one - graphic sex sounds from the television as Susan and Grandma enter the room] Helen? Oh, the door was unlocked.
[sees the sex action on the television]
Grandma: What channel is this?
Helen: No Gran, this is a tape.
Grandma: [to Susan] She needs a man... Now!
Helen: Gran, this isn't mine. I don't watch this!
Grandma: [to Susan again as they are leaving the room and speaking of the sex action on the television] One of those men reminded me of your Grandpa. God bless him!

Susan Buckman Merrick: [as her husband surprises her by serenading her in the middle of her lesson] Nathan, we're trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs.

Nathan: [after inspecting Susan's diaphragm and finding a hole] Well?
Susan Buckman Merrick: Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?
Nathan: To check. To see if it's OK. You didn't know I did that, did you?
Susan Buckman Merrick: No.
Nathan: Obviously not or you wouldn't have tried this.
Susan Buckman Merrick: Are you accusing me of making that hole?
Nathan: No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom, opened the drawer with his little wing and pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm!

Susan: You see, when I met him, I was a little wild, I was a little out of control and he kind of... took me in hand. I liked that. He's very... commanding. He got me into teaching, he got my shit together. Boy, he really turned on.
Karen: [incredulous] Really?
[changes her tone of voice]
Karen: I-I mean, uh, of course. Really?
Susan: Oh, Nathan and I used to be hot. I know he doesn't look it but, I mean, we were like rabbits. I used to give him... you know... oral, you know... on the highway.
Karen: What?
Susan: You know, he was always trying to get a research grant.
Karen: And you thought that would help?
Susan: No. But, I mean, he kept getting turned down and he'd get real, real tense. So, if I saw him getting, you know, really tense, I'd just... lean over while he was driving and, uh...

Nathan: What are you so upset about?
Susan: Nathan, she's weird. She's a weird child. I think a few days a week of preschool could be very helpful.
Nathan: This is not the right age for Patty to be socially activated. We went through this.
Susan: She's not a bomb, she's a little kid who has no ability to relate to other little kids.
Nathan: [points at Justin] You want her to relate to him?
[Justin currently has his head stuck in the back of a sun lounger]
Justin: Help, help, help.

Susan Buckman Merrick: Hello, Helen?
[comes into Garry's room with Grandma]
Susan Buckman Merrick: Oh, the door was unlocked.
[sees a pornographic video playing on TV]
Susan Buckman Merrick: Oh, my God.
Grandma: What channel is this?
Helen: No, Gran, this is a tape.
Grandma: [to Susan] She needs a man. Now.
Helen: Gran, this isn't mine. I don't watch *this*.
Garry: [bursts into the room] What's everybody doing in here? Did you break my lock?
[turns off the TV]
Helen: Susie, Gran, would you please go to my room?
Susan Buckman Merrick: Sure.
Grandma: One of those men reminded me of your grandpa. God bless him.