Arnetia Walker: To-Bel

Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills

To-Bel

To-Bel: [to her husband] A few months ago, your buddy Howard, here, did some exploration of certain dark parts of my continent.
Howard: I don't know what you're talking about. I never met this woman before in my life.
To-Bel: The fuck you didn't! Dr. Doolittle, here, went so deep into areas unexplored by your feeble playwrightin' ass, that I got to thinkin' he was Lewis *and* Clark.

Howard: Mrs. Lipkin said there'd be some suppositories in here!
To-Bel: Why dontcha try heatin' up some nice corn-on-the-cob and shovin' that up y'ass?

Frank: I knew a girl that looked just like you.
To-Bel: Really?
Frank: I wrote a poem about her. Do you want to hear it? Hey, Chocolate Mama, She's got a stomach like a Hershey snare drum, She's got an ass like a nasty heart, Beating on the other side, Like a dark globe of every place a man could want to go.
To-Bel: Oh, how you talk.

Frank: You're pretty easy on the eyes.
To-Bel: That's what they called me in Philly. Philadelphia. Nice and easy. Those are my dispositions.

Dr. Van Kamp: I respect Peter Hepburn. I respect his vision. I respect his courage to continue to do the kind of work he knows will never bring him the big money.
To-Bel: But, eh, but, we live so well? He spends *and* he knows Shirley MacLaine.
Dr. Van Kamp: The money's just the last scraps of a niggardly inheritance. His mother was a suspicious woman. She left them what I call a 'distrust' fund.

To-Bel: I *love* what you've done with your home.
Clare Lipkin: Oh, well, my late husband liked the idea of an English manor, trapped inside an Italian villa, and me trapped right along with it.

To-Bel: I really think that we should check into a hotel.
Peter: No, no. I - I want to be here for my sister and I don't want to insult her friend. Hey, everything gonna be fine. Okay? You know, we'll go shopping, we'll come home...
To-Bel: I don't like parties for dead people.
Peter: We'll sneak upstairs, we'll fool around. How long has it been? Four hours?

To-Bel: It happens to everybody, Willie.
Willie Saravian: I feel awful.
To-Bel: Shit, that always the measure of a man. With what you face, you mo' man than most I been with.
Willie Saravian: Really?
To-Bel: Why, sure. Lots of boys get nervous the first time. And - if its any consolation to you, you're a whole lot better equipped than your Daddy. So, why don't you go on and get some sleep.
Willie Saravian: To-Bel, you're the best Aunt a boy could have.

Lisabeth Hepburn-Saravian: You screwed Juan?
To-Bel: The other one, eh, what's his name? Um, Frank. It was so degrading. I felt like some fabulous farm animal.

To-Bel: What goes around comes around. Now, you get outta my goddamn way. I'm goin' to get me some Louis Vuitton.